Hate
by LivenotMerelysurvive
Summary: Now Complete! Harry and Draco find themselves hopelessly and unavoidably attracted to each other. Even if they get past their hate, what else lies before them? What if hate is the least of their problems? HD rated for safety and language.
1. Mutual Feelings

**A/N: Hello everyone. Please, please, please don't hate me. I'm trying to better myself as a writer and I have come to find that my story was lacking in grammar and other important areas. I'm doing this in hopes of having a story I can be proud of. I promise this reposting will not take long. Thank you!**

Disclaimer: None of the characters used on this story belong to me. I am not the one and only J. K Rowling.

Thanks to my beta, PinkElephant42!

Chapter One

"I don't give a shit about your sister. She is nothing but a whore and hardly worth my time," Draco spat from behind the end of Ron's wand. He was backed up against a wall in a seventh floor corridor.

"You take that back or I will hex you from here to Hagrid's. You used her and you know it. She trusted you. I don't know why, but I frankly don't care. You better watch your step and keep your hands off of Ginny if you ever wish to have children." Slowly, he dropped his wand and smiled lightly at the twisted hate written on his face. Just as he let go fully, Harry flew into the hallway and made his way to the pair. Without speaking, he launched his fist and hit Draco straight in his perfectly chiseled jaw.

"You are an ass not worthy of breathing. If you ever touch her again, I will make sure you can't hurt anyone like you have hurt her. Understood?" At this point, Harry was holding Draco by the neck. The blood from Draco's lip was drizzling onto his hand, but Harry didn't notice. "I asked you a question, do you understand?" Harry slammed Draco's head hard against the wall behind him.

"Yes," Draco managed to choke out, gasping for breath. Harry let him fall to the ground, but he did not leave. He just stood and stared at Draco, who was still trying to gain his composure and grasp onto what dignity he had left. He slowly raised his head and met Harry's eyes. They stayed like this for a minute. "I'm going to try a different approach to this, and you can bring this back to Ginny too. I never meant to hurt her. It wasn't supposed to end like that." He lowered his head again and broke his eye contact with Harry, who knelt down in front of him. He got as close to Draco's face as he dared.

"And exactly how did you mean for it to end? The way I see it, Ginny would always get hurt, so why ever tell her that you love her? Why make her believe something that can't be true? Are you even capable of love? After all the pain you have caused her and her family and people she cares about, you have the nerve to tell her you love her?" He was still only inches away from Draco's face.

"Regardless of what you think, St. Potter, I do have a heart. Just because I think you unworthy of sharing it, does not make it nonexistent." Draco saw the hurt and anger flash across Harry's eyes and fed off it. "You gave that right up a long time ago, Potter. I do have a question for you though. Now that you have truly seen us, would you still choose Weasley over me? Now that you know what a hopeless sod you have befriended and what you gave up, would you still turn me away?" Draco moved his face an inch closer to eat up every glimpse of confusion that shown there. Suddenly, Harry's hands were once again around Draco's neck, and he was slammed against the wall as he sat.

"I hate you!" Harry screamed. Draco stopped all his thoughts of witty comebacks and drank in the sight before him. Git, as he may be, Harry Potter looked stunning when he was truly angry. Draco had never really taken the time to respect his handy work before, but now he could not draw his eyes away from the rage that was swirling in the depths of those green eyes. To him, it was truly captivating. Before he knew what he was doing he leaned in slightly, catching Harry's lips with his. It was a chaste but fierce kiss. Not a drop of sweetness and driven by pure lust. Harry looked shocked at his own reaction and pulled away immediately.

"The feeling is quite mutual," Draco drawled as Harry stood up. He could still feel Draco's eyes upon him, but walked right back down the hall from which he came.

Ron finally caught up with Harry half way down the corridor.

"What the hell was that? Did he- did he just kiss you?" Harry turned and saw the disgusted look on his face. Ron could never understand what he had to say, so he remained silent as they made there way to the Gryffindor common room.

o0o

A week passed and everything was just starting to go back to normal. Ron stopped asking stupid questions he knew he would never get answers to, and Malfoy was finally at the back of Harry's mind. After Potions, Ron and Harry were walking with Hermione, chatting. Suddenly, Ron's books dropped to the ground. They all turned to see Draco, smirking. Hermione held Ron back by the arm.

"Now, now, Weasel, do try to control yourself. It isn't becoming. Of course, I can't really think of anything that would become you, but I'll get back to you on that." He paused and lowered his eyes to Hermione. "Now, Mudblood, I knew you were multi-talented, but leash is not one that I pegged for you." Hermione blushed, but held Ron's arm harder. "Potter." Harry put his hand up, side stepped Draco and began to walk away. "Yes, you seem to be getting good at that. Here I thought Gryffindor lions were blindly brave and incredibly stupid. Ironic how the leader of the pack keeps walking away from me." Harry stopped and turned to walk back to his friends, who were still far too entranced to do anything coherent. As Harry reached Draco, Draco bent down slightly. Harry flinched, thinking he might try to kiss him again, but soon felt breath on his ear. "Scared Potter?" Harry was seething.

"You wish." He spoke quietly and met Draco's silver gaze. Draco was immediately taken aback by the intensity in Harry's eyes. Sure, he was angry, but something was different. Draco leaned in again and whispered.

"You know I do." Without another word, he brushed past Harry, maybe a little too closely, and headed toward his common room.

"Come on, you guys, I still have an essay to finish," Harry said calmly.

"Are you mad, Harry? Draco Malfoy just insulted you, me and Hermione and you did nothing," Ron almost squeaked.

"It's nothing, Ron, he just isn't worth my time anymore." He paused to make sure Ron wouldn't make any objections, but apparently he was incapable of speech at that time and remained silent. "OK, now let's go to study hall," he said as he slowly started to walk away.

A/N: Review!


	2. Eavesdropping

**A/N: Here is the edited verion of chapter two. I hope you enjoy! I am not the one and only J.K Rowling.**

**Special thanks to my beta, PinkElephant42!**

**Chapter Two**

Ginny sat on her bed, thinking. It had been a week since her break-up with Draco and three days since she had heard of the kiss. Ron had felt it necessary to share every detail of her ex-boyfriends' intimate moment.

When Draco had explained why they had to break up, she understood and kept his secret, but he conveniently left this part out. It is one thing to realize you are gay, but an entirely different thing to realize your gay and in love with Harry Potter. 'Why didn't he just tell me? I probably could have helped him.' she thought to herself.

oOo

Harry was leaning against the arm of his oversized chair. He had spent most of the last week avoiding Malfoy. It was right hard since the prat was in half of his classes, but he was putting in his best efforts. When the boy did catch his eye, he would glare and look away quickly. Malfoy seemed to catch on to his plan and complied, which was strange. He made no more attempt to start an altercation then Harry did.

The weirdest part was Malfoy's eyes. They did not shine with the malice he had grown accustomed to these last six years. They still shone bright with hate but lacked any intent of harm. It was unnerving. He just didn't know how to react. Sure, things had changed after the kiss, but it had meant nothing.

"It meant nothing" he assured himself out loud.

If he was perfectly honest with himself, he was scared shitless. He avoided Malfoy because he was afraid of what might happen if they fought again. He no longer trusted himself to be in any proximity to him, much less share words with him. 'What if he kissed me again, only in front of someone less trustworthy and understanding than Ron?' He was sure anyone who was looking would be able to see through him, past his hate and right through to his lust. What frightened him more was his own possible reaction. What if he lost control and kissed Malfoy first? It was so much easier to just ignore his existence as much as possible. He slowly crept out of his chair and up the stairs. It had to be late from the look of the fire.

oOo

As Draco sat on his bed, his greatest fear flashed before his eyes. 'What if she told Potter? I know she promised, but there was something about him that night, the way he spoke that makes me think Potter knew exactly how correct he was.' He slowly lay down on his stomach, burying his face in his pillow and groaning loudly. The only way to know for sure was to talk to her, and he had told himself he would never do that again. It was just way too awkward. Again, images flashed through his mind, but of an entirely different nature. He saw red hair, pale, pearly white skin and deep brown eyes boring into his, full of pleasure. Silently, he shook his head and rubbed his eyes, trying desperately to remove the offending speck from his brain. It seemed he had no other choice.

oOo

The next morning Draco purposely waited by the doors to the great hall. He desperately needed to find Ginny. Just as he was about to give up and give in to his growling stomach, he saw her descending the stairs. His stomach rolled twice as she approached.

"Ginny," he said just loud enough to catch her attention. "I need to talk to you." Giving him a look of uncertainty, she walked towards him.

"Yes?" She sounded much more proper then she had intended.

"I need to know- and don't get offended if I am mistaken- but, did you tell Potter?"

"Of course I didn't tell Harry!" she said, looking scandalized, but quickly remembered his words and blushed lightly. Both were so absorbed in their conversation that neither saw Harry walking towards the doors and stopping at the mention if his name. Slowly, he veered a bit closer to the pair and listened intently.

"Why would you think that I would?" Ginny asked, still looking a bit hurt.

"It's nothing." Draco said, waving his hand in the air dismissively.

"Nothing my arse, tell me." she paused and considered her words carefully. "This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with that kiss would it?" she finally said softly. Draco's eyes grew wide, but he shook his head.

"No, something he said before the… uh… kiss." he nearly whispered the last word. Ginny looked over her shoulder and nearly spotted Harry eavesdropping, but he quickly moved behind the door, not missing a word.

"And what would that be?" she smiled slightly at Draco's discomfort as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other slowly.

"He- he said that any way he saw it you would always get hurt, so why tell you I love you if I knew it could never be true," Ginny's mouth stood agape as he finished.

"I can see why you would be worried, but I swear I didn't say a thing to him about it. Although, a little warning would have been nice." she smiled playfully at him. "Breaking up with me because you are gay is one thing, but breaking up with me because you are in love with the only other guy I have ever liked is another."

"What! What are you talking about? I am not in love with wonder boy! Just because you kiss someone does not mean you are in love with them, one, and two… two." he lowered his head and recomposed himself before looking back up with that freakishly inexpressive mask. "I never meant to kiss him, I don't know what came over me." He leaned down closer to her ear and whispered so Harry couldn't hear. "I guess he was just too sexy for me when he was that angry." He left a surprised Ginny and, unknowingly, a flabbergasted Harry.

Harry made his way into the hall and to his table before anyone could have guessed where he was. Soon, he saw Ginny enter looking as though nothing out of ordinary had just occurred. Apparently, Harry was not doing as good a job. He felt a light tapping on his shoulder. He turned and Hermione looked back at him, slightly worried.

"You ok, Harry?" she asked soothingly.

"Yes, I'm fine," he answered just a bit too quickly, but schooled his features into an uneasy smile. She did not look convinced, but turned back to her conversation with Seamus none the less. Slowly, he went through everything he had just heard. Malfoy was gay, but never meant to kiss him. As all of that sunk in, another thought crossed his mind. He had never seen Malfoy act like that. He was almost human. Malfoy had just shown more emotion in two minutes then he had in six years. He rubbed his head lightly. This was going to be a long day.

Draco was thinking the exact same thing as he sat at his house table a few feet from Harry. Now that he knew his secret was safe, he felt a little more comfortable confronting Potter. Maybe they could get back to some semblance of normalcy.

Just as he thought this, he felt eyes boring into the back of his head. He turned slightly and was met with bright green gaze. They were diverted quickly, but he had seen the fear. Why Gryffindors wore their emotions on their sleeves, he would never know.

At that thought, he stopped himself. 'You weren't much better, you know. You may as well have told him your whole damn story, with everything you gave him. Why did you even bring half of that stuff up and show him that he had some kind of effect on you? Like you give a shit whether he chose you or Weasel.' He took a bite of eggs and grabbed a piece of toast off the plate in the middle of the table. 'Obviously you do, and you know it. If you can't admit it to him, at least admit it to yourself. Half of your behavior towards him is caused by that one moment.' Draco nodded his head, defeated.

A/N: Please review!


	3. Oy, Weasel!

A/N: Huge thanks to my beta, PinkElephant42. Thank you all for being patient. I am not the one and only J.K Rowling.

Chapter Three

Harry walked out of Defense in a crowd of Gryffindors. He knew Malfoy was behind him with his cronies. For some reason, Malfoy had stared at him nearly half the class. He was hoping that he wouldn't make a scene, and he could walk away like nothing was bothering him.

"Well, well, Potter, to what do I owe this _pleasure_?" Harry turned to see Malfoy. He looked on both of his sides and realized all his friends had walked ahead of him. 'Shit. No such luck.'

"What the hell do want Malfoy?" Harry said, shivering at the innuendo. Draco took another step towards him as Harry took a step back.

"Crabbe, Goyle, go stuff your face. I can handle this," Draco said with a smirk. As the boys left, Draco pushed Harry against the wall forcefully. "I have been fighting with you for six years. Never before have I seen fear in your eyes, never have you backed down from a fight, and you have never ignored me successfully. So you tell me, Potter, what the fuck?" Harry's eyes were darting to each side as he tried to find a way out.

"I- I don't know what you are talking about," he stammered, flattening himself against the wall. This was not good. He could feel the heat rising in his neck due to Malfoy's close proximity. Harry felt Malfoy's hands on his shoulders again.

"The hell you don't." He looked into Potter's eyes. His face was red with blush and his breathing was a bit more labored than necessary. "Is this about our unfortunate… umm… encounter?"

"Well, what? Did you expect things to just revert right back to they way they were before?" Harry was looking into Draco's steel grey eyes.

"Damn it, Potter, you are almost as useless as Weasel." There was very little malice in his tone, but Harry pushed him away roughly. Why were their altercations suddenly so physical? Did they forget how to use their wands? Draco was usually far too proud to resort to Muggle antics over a petty disagreement. "Hello, are you really that dimwitted? Staring off into space like some idiot."

"I'm no more an idiot than you are a Muggle-born," Harry said softly. Suddenly, he felt his head hit the wall again.

"Take that back!" Draco yelled. For the first time, he really looked at Draco. He wore a grey turtleneck and black slacks, also surprisingly Muggle, but hot all the same.

Did he just think Malfoy was hot?

No matter. The only thing that really mattered was Malfoy's hand inching towards his neck. His eyes darted towards Draco's, gauging his reaction to the lack of protest, since he couldn't find it in himself to refuse. Harry felt fingers in his hair. Quite suddenly, Malfoy's body was pressing his against the wall. He could feel every contour of the blond and it was driving him crazy. He probably shouldn't have been reacting that way, but at the moment he didn't give a fuck. His mouth moved to Draco's neck, seemingly on its own accord. Harry heard a small gasp escape from Malfoy's mouth at the contact, but he never made to remove it.

"HARRY!" He heard Ron scream somewhere in the back of his head, but couldn't be bothered. It wasn't until Draco was wrenched off of him that he noticed it was really Ron, who was now standing in front of him, face contorted in disbelief.

"R-Ron?" he said intelligibly.

"Oy, Weasel!" Draco exclaimed, but stopped, realizing the situation he had been found in. "Shit."

"Would you believe it if I said it wasn't what it looked like?" Harry asked.

"Oh, so you weren't attached to Malfoy's neck a second ago? Did I imagine his hands on your-" he stopped, "I can't finish that. The point is, there is very little you could say right now." He ran a hand through his ginger hair in frustration.

"That's right, Potter, keep your bloody mouth shut," Draco said. He saw anger flash across those green eyes. It was all Draco could do to keep himself from jumping him. Apparently, Harry caught on and a light smile graced his lips.

"If I recall correctly, you had no problem with my mouth a min-"

"Please, don't," Ron's strained voice interrupted. He curtly grabbed Harry's arm. "Malfoy," he nodded his head politely, "fuck off" he said as he dragged Harry down the corridor.

"I might not have to if you kept your filthy nose out of this," Draco screamed after them.

oOo

Ron led Harry to the Gryffindor common room, keeping a firm grip on the other boy's upper arm. They finally made it to their rooms, and Ron deposited Harry onto his bed, swiftly sitting down next to him.

"OK, Harry, can you explain this to me? I-I really tried to understand when he kissed you, but this, this is different." Ron was a ghastly white. This was going to be hard.

"I don't think you'll understand. I hardly understand, but I think I am starting to." Harry laced his fingers through his hair and lowered his head slightly. "I think we just have this weird attraction to each other. It has nothing to do with me liking him, because I don't, not in the least." He shifted uncomfortably. "It has more to do with this weird… attraction." Ron put up his hand to halt Harry's rambling.

"I think I get it, but does-" Again he stopped. "Does that make you gay?"

"Damned if I know. If I did, this would be a hell of a lot easier. All I know is that when we get angry around each other our wands are non-existent. It always ends up physical, in umm… one way or another." There was a stressed, uneasy silence.

"Whatever, just never, ever let that happen again. I swear, I'll have nightmares for weeks," he said, shaking his head.

A/N: Review please. I know thatsome of you have already read and reviewed, and I thank you all!


	4. The Room of Requirement

**A/N::****:Ducks**** Rocks:: I know I'm horrible, but real life got crazy. Good, but good. I will post as many chapters as possible in winter break. Enjoy! ****aLtO**

**Chapter Four**

Dinner that night was an interesting affair. Harry's eyes shifted towards the Slytherin table quite a few times. He could still feel Draco's hand on his lower back. The Gryffindor shifted uncomfortably in his seat at the thought. This was going to be difficult. He had never really lusted after anyone; if lust is what you would call a constant need. Why did it have to be with _Malfoy_? Of all people, it had to be that insufferable, arrogant, ferret! Not to mention all the questions this thing brought up, not only about his sexuality, but his sanity.

Draco felt eyes upon him again, and shifted his gaze to catch Potter staring. His little altercation with him had not gone to plan. He was supposed to humiliate him, scare him, but not attack him in any way shape or form; so how he ended up pressing him into a wall was a mystery. This frustration was never going to end. And to make matters worse, he just had to get caught by Weasley of all people! Somehow, he knew he would never forget that, and he would never be allowed to either. It didn't help that Potter had left him a constant reminder on his neck. He really had to pause and think about that for a second. Harry Potter had given him a hickey.

As he left the Great Hall, someone pulled him into an alcove right past the doors. Draco looked up to see green eyes and black hair. _Potter._

"Can I help you?" he drawled, leaning against the wall lazily and admiring his perfectly manicured hands. He was trying to show as little interest as possible.

"I- I think we need to… talk," started Potter hesitantly.

"And what, pray tell, do we have to talk about?" asked Draco sharply, aware that Potter had moved an inch closer to him. Suddenly, he had the urge to pull the other boy flush against him.

"After Defense today, when Ron caught- saw us, amongst other things."

'_My goodness, who knew the Golden __Boy__ could get so red?'_ Draco thought with amusement as he observed the flush on Harry cheeks.

"Do you think this is an appropriate location for such a conversation?" he finally responded, eyeing the few questioning gazes of their classmates that were leaving breakfast.

"No, I imagine not." Harry's voice was a bit higher than normal. "Meet me in the seventh floor corridor right where we, uh, met last time. At nine. That should give us plenty of time before curfew."

"Fine, Potter," Draco agreed grudgingly as he tried to stalk away menacingly, failing miserably.

oOo

Harry was pacing back and forth in front of a suit of armor within the seventh floor corridor. Malfoy was late. Why he even thought this would work out was beyond him. Nothing ever did. He turned to leave, but walked into something, lost his balance and tripped over his own foot, landing on the ground.

"Potter, get off the floor. Honestly, you wonder why I don't want to be seen within a foot of you unless I'm hexing you."

Malfoy offered his hand to help Harry up, looking just as surprised at the gesture as Harry felt. After the awkward moment passed, Harry finally spoke.

"Follow me."

He started walking and, only then did he notice he was still holding Malfoy's hand. His eyes darted towards the blond's. Harry didn't try to pull his hand away and neither did Malfoy, so they walked the deserted hall in silence. It was unfamiliar, yet comforting and completely disturbing all at once. Finally, they got to a blank space in the wall. Harry let go of Malfoy's hand and walked directly in front of it. He moved back and forth three times.

_I need a place to talk to Draco. I need a place to talk to Draco._ _I need a place to…_

It wasn't until the door appeared that he realized he'd used the name. _Draco?_

"Come on," said Harry, holding the door open for Draco- _no, __Malfoy_. He shut the door behind him and found a small room with a fireplace, two couches facing each other and a small wooden table in the middle. It was modest and perfect.

"What is this place?" Malfoy asked curiously.

"This is the Room of Requirement," explained Harry as he took the couch farthest from the door motioning for Malfoy to take a seat.

"You mean it's real? I always thought it was some sort of myth." Draco shook his head slightly, before sitting down. It was obvious that he refused to relax.

"This place is as much of a myth as the Chamber of Secrets," Harry replied before he realized how cheesy it sounded. Draco laughed stiffly all the same, but maintained his stature. "And that isn't really what I came here to talk about."

"I'd think not. I'm surprised you came here to _talk _at all."

"Some of us actually posses some self-control." Harry winked before his cheeks turned pink.

Isiah

"So much self control that I have to wear a glamour on my neck? Yeah, I can see how you beat me there," Draco muttered sardonically. If possible, Harry's blush deepened.

"Sorry about that. I'd hate to think what would have happened if Ron hadn't interrupted."

"I wouldn't." Draco said softly. A slightly comfortable silence took over the room for a moment.

"I need you to know something," Harry finally spoke up. "I know you are going to be pissed when you hear it and no one can hear me scream in here." This drew a genuine smile from Draco. Harry had to pause for a moment to take in the rare occurrence.

"Well, out with it Potter. I haven't got all night. Not all of us have handy invisibility cloaks to get us through the castle after hours." Draco stared at him with a pointed look.

"Ok, point taken. I-I heard you talking to Ginny this morning."

Draco looked thoughtful for a moment, but then his face hardened. "How much did you hear?" he asked in a low voice.

"Nearly everything. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but I heard my name and I couldn't help it. Especially after what happened yesterday." Harry added, blushing at the last statement.

Surprisingly, Draco was still seated, with his wand firmly in his right, back pocket. His face, however, was vastly distorted by embarrassment and something kindred to rage.

"So you know?"

"About you being gay, or that you didn't actually mean to… kiss me?" Harry asked before he could stop himself.

"Well, I guess I got my answer, you arse! I can't believe that the _great _Harry Potter would stoop so low! I bet you and your friends had a good laugh at that one!"

Draco was fuming. He was getting up to leave when Harry bolted off the couch and grabbed his arm.

"No, no I didn't tell anybody!" he told him honestly, turning Draco around to face him.

"You're serious?" questioned Draco suspiciously. "You could have destroyed my reputation, Potter, but for once kept your mouth shut? I don't believe it. I'm sure within the week I'll have Weasel up my arse, not to mention Thomas and Finnigan. Well, you know what, Potter? Fuck you!"

Draco was almost out the door, furious that Potter had the nerve to bring up such a subject when he heard Potter.

"Draco!" Harry called, all too aware of how pleading his voice sounded. Slowly, Draco stopped and turned. Without a word he brushed past Harry and sat back down on his couch. Harry stood, shocked for a moment before making his way back to his seat. There was another moment of uneasy silence.

"Why?" Draco asked quite suddenly. Harry's head shot up and their eyes met.

"Why? W-Why what?" queried Harry cautiously, not wanting to anger him again, which was ironic since he spent the last six years doing every thing in his power to achieve the opposite.

"Why…? Why didn't you tell your friends? Why did you kiss me back? Why do I have this bite on my neck? Why did you call me Draco?" Draco spoke quickly. Harry sat back in his chair and ran his fingers through his hair, one of his many nervous habits.

"I didn't tell my friends because it isn't any of their business. I kissed you back because- because it felt right. That love bite on your neck? It's there because you pushed me against a wall. And I called you Draco because—well, it _is_ your name."

"That is so like you, Potter," replied Draco after a few moments.

"What is that?"

"To answer the question while completely ignoring the actual question."

Harry looked up and saw that genuine smile again. "Well, what else would you expect?"

"Absolutely nothing."


	5. The Room of Requirement II

**A/N: Have fun!**

**Chapter Five**

Draco looked back up at Harry and remembered he was supposed to be mad at this boy. Hell, they weren't really supposed to be talking civilly, or snogging in empty hallways, or being playful. It was weird how they had gotten to this point so naturally. It made him wonder about everything that had happened in the last six years. Without really thinking he asked the question that had been swirling in his subconscious since their kiss.

"Did you ever think about any of this before it happened?" Harry looked confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Before we kissed, did you ever think of me in any way other then the hateful manner people perceived?" Draco's eyes were back on his shoes again.

"Honestly, I don't think about it much even now. It just kind of always happens. I have so little control over it. That's why I avoided you so long; because I didn't know what to expect from myself. Does that make sense?"

"Yes. Is there any other reason you brought me here?" Draco finally looked back up and met Harry's eyes. They just stared at each other for a moment.

"Yes." he said slowly, obviously dreading what he had to say next. "How did you know you were gay?" his face was a small wince, like he was waiting for an explosion.

"Are you serious? After everything that has happened between us these last few weeks and you are still questioning your sexuality?" he asked disbelievingly.

Harry merely nodded his head and flushed. "It's not that easy. I've never-" he stopped abruptly, realizing just who he was about to tell his secrets to. "Never mind."

"No, come on Potter. You already know my secrets and I had no choice, so spit it out. I can't help you if you don't tell me," Draco said almost softly. It was odd how he could go hot and cold so fast. His head was starting to hurt from the back and forth.

"I think, before we have this conversation, I need to know if we are still enemies. I know the actual malic has been absent for a while, but do you still hate me?" It was Harry's turn to look at his shoes.

"I hate what you stand for and who everyone makes you out to be. I can't stand your friends; in fact I think I hate them more then your unbreakable oh-so-special-never-do-anything-wrong Potter motif. I don't understand you, not in the least. But that just makes you intriguing. I guess I don't really hate you, but the world you live in." Harry's mouth had drifted slightly open during the little speech and he didn't know whether to be offended or not.

"Now, what was it you said to me about answering a question while completely avoiding the actual question? I think I'm rubbing off on you," he said, smiling.

"Ha ha. Cute, Potter, very cute," he said sarcastically. "If you answer my questions, I will answer yours."

"Seriously?" Harry met Draco's eyes again. "I don't have a much better answer then what I gave you. It really isn't my place to tell your secrets and I really did kiss you back merely because it was my natural reaction, which scared the shit out of me, by the way. That hickey, well that is my frustration with this whole situation. It was the way you had me pushed up against that wall, good God Dra- Malfoy, you have n-" Draco put his hand up for him to stop.

"When did I become Draco? That is my biggest question because it will answer a lot of yours as well." he seemed so calm, but his hands were clasping each other nervously. It was really the only thing that gave him away.

"I- in the hall, when neither of us moved our hands. After that, when I was opening the room, I thought: I need a place to talk to Draco. I didn't even realize it, until I had finished the third time." Draco's eyes were wide when Harry looked back to his face. "If you don't want me to, I won't. It just keeps slipping out."

"I have no idea what I want. I don't know you, and I have never had the urge to get to know you; not since first year. What I said in the hall about Weasel, I have no idea where that came from. I've never thought of you outside of our rivalry."

"If you hadn't thought about it, why did you kiss me?" he looked smug until he saw Draco's facial expression and his body stiffened. He looked a lovely mixture of confusion and anger.

"I- couldn't help it." Draco grasped the back of his neck with his left hand and shifted his eyes to the fire. "Let's just say I didn't have complete control of my body and it decided to work on its own accord for a second."

"Have you ever thought about what might have been different, had I made a different decision?" Harry asked uncomfortably.

"Not since first year, you?"

"Not until recently." he admitted quietly.

"I came to one conclusion from my eleven year old pondering; you would always be a Gryffindor. Even if I had wanted your friendship, nothing could change that. So, I just treated you the way I knew everyone expected me to and eventually it became my true feelings." as he finished, he realized Harry was laughing. "Excuse me, what is so funny?" Draco asked haughtily.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Harry said, his laughter dying down. He looked thoughtful for a second, before continuing. "I've never told any one this before, but it seems appropriate. The sorting hat nearly put me in Slytherin. He said it could help me on my road to greatness. I had to beg to be put anywhere else." Draco looked speechless. "I told you, you wouldn't believe me."

"Why- why didn't you want to be in Slytherin?"

"That is even more complicated. I guess you were a main reason and Hagrid. He told me there wasn't a witch or wizard that had gone bad that wasn't in Slytherin. I didn't want to be a part of that. I was eleven and knew nothing outside of what he told me."

"That oaf wouldn't know a dark wizard if it bit his arse and fed him a dragon. I know you are his friend, but that is exactly the kind of thing that gives us the reputation we have- not that it is completely off base- but we don't even have a chance to be decent. People's minds are made up before they meet us. Drives me mad." For a few moments, no one said anything.

"No." Draco said quite suddenly.

"No?"

"I- I don't hate you. I think that we are too similar for me to properly hate you anyway."

"How are we similar?"

"Everyone expects us to be a certain way, only you are Dumbledore's play thing and I, well I'm different."

"They expect us to be something we are not." Harry said bluntly, and only realized how much he assumed after he had said it. "I mean, it-"

"You're right," he said, silently answering a profound question that had been nagging Harry since Draco had started dating Ginny. As if to solidify his answer, he rolled up his left sleeve to reveal clear, porcelain skin.

"You really didn't have to do that. It really isn't any of my business."

"I know I didn't have to. I- I think that is why I did it, because you didn't expect it to be there, did you?"

"Not really; not since you started dating Ginny. She would never compromise her beliefs and I know that she could never trust you if she even thought it a possibility. It didn't make you any less of a prick, but it was a nice realization. One less death eater to worry about."

"Tell that to Weasel, he still looks at me like I'm going to hit him with the Killing Curse on the spot."

"I imagine dating Ginny didn't help the cause. Any one who touches his sister is immediately an enemy. I think his head almost exploded when she told him."

"What about you? You dated her a lot longer then I did, but you are still inseparable."

"Ah, the perks of being the best friend. He was ecstatic when we told him."

"But you broke up and he still acts like your damn shadow. He threatened my life when I 'broke her heart'. How did you get off so easy?"

"It was a mutual break up. It was obvious that neither of us were hurt in anyway by ending it. I still care about her, but not how I used to. I'm more a brother to her now then I was before; which is why I went all protective on you in the hall."

"Ah, I was wondering about that. I thought maybe you still had feelings for her, but that would ruin my theory."

"What theory?"

"That you are gay." Harry paled.

"How could you know that? I don't even know that."

"It is just a theory, but you have to admit that your reactions to… me… weren't exactly convincing me otherwise. I've been there Harry. You can't fool me."

"So, when did I become Harry?" he said mockingly. Draco looked thoughtful for a moment.

"This is going to sound painstakingly cliché and possibly embarrassing, but when you _saw _me. So few people take the time to get to know me like this; not even Slytherins. I am just their leader by default and not trustworthy enough to be befriended. Those who are followers don't trust me because I'm not one. Those who aren't don't trust me because they don't think I will stay neutral. My father really doesn't help either of these situations. I imagine that is one of his ways of paying me back. I don't think I need to explain that to you." Harry merely shook his head. His eyes looked towards the clock and he stood to his feet.

"I think it's time for us to go. It is already thirty minutes after curfew. I could take you back to the dungeons under the cloak if you like."

"Thanks, Snape would kill me if he knew I was out and where I was." he paled slightly at the thought. Harry started walking towards the door, but felt a hand grab his wrist. He turned to face Draco.

"There is just one more thing. What is it that you wanted to say earlier? You said you had never, but didn't finish." Draco looked down into the green eyes that were suddenly so full of fear.

"I-I've never wanted anyone before. I've never needed someone. It kind of scares me." He put the cloak over both of them and opened the door without waiting for a reply.

They made their way through the halls and down at least four staircases before they even met anyone. Mrs. Norris always made Harry nervous while using the cloak. He was sure those red eyes could see right through it, but he moved swiftly passed her, Draco following close behind. They made it to the entrance hall without another interruption and Harry thought it would be easier then most of his trips.

As they entered the dungeons, he accidentally tripped on the foot of a suit of armor just as Snape was passing a connected hallway. Snape stopped and started towards the suit. Harry grabbed Draco's hand and ran to an alcove two feet away. After examining the area around the suit, Snape made his way down their corridor and Harry had to press his back flush against Draco's chest to keep the swirling robes from hitting him.

Harry waited a minute before taking a step forward. He turned to ask Draco if it was close enough to his common room, but felt lips on neck and a soft stinging on his throat, accompanied by familiar fingers in his hair. Soon, those lips were trailing up his neck, onto his jaw and stopping at his cheek. Harry lunged forward and felt the familiar shock run through his body as his lips met Draco's.

Draco felt Harry's tongue on his bottom lip and opened his mouth slowly. He could feel Harry's tongue ghosting across his own and exploring the rest of his mouth. After a moment, they broke apart.

"My common room is right down this hall. I should be fine from here. Goodnight, Harry." Harry vaguely felt the gap between himself and the wall that Draco had left, but was more focused on Draco's theory. If this didn't give him his answer, he would have to be thicker than Crabbe. He made his way to his dorm, thinking of ways to either hide this or tell those he cared about. Either way, he wouldn't be getting much sleep that night.


	6. Twisted Line

**A/N: Hello all. I have neglected to share a few things. The so-called rewrite is pretty much nonexistent. The grammar and spelling mistakes are gone, but the plot is the same. I fixed a few holes and things that kind of bothered me, but aside from that, it is the same. Many, many thanks go to the person who pretty much brought all these changes on, Pinkelephant! Love She also betad for this and a few of my other stories. She's a talented artist and a fabulous writer. Check her out. Enjoy!**

**Chapter Six**

Harry walked into his common room at eleven o'clock. It was nearly empty, but he could just see a mop of red hair peaking out from behind the armrest of a couch. Harry went to wake his friend. He shook Ron's shoulders slightly.

"Ron, you need to wake up." Slowly, his blue eyes opened.

"Where were you Harry? I thought we were going to do our Potions essay together." Harry hit his forehead.

"I'm sorry. I got sidetracked." Ron sat up on the couch so that Harry could sit next to him. As his best friend sat, he saw the side of his neck was bright red.

"Harry, mate, what did you do to yourself?" He poked the tender flesh, which goaded a yelp out of Harry. "This wouldn't have anything to do with the ferret, would it?" he asked, realizing what the mark on his neck was. He met Harry's eyes and saw the fear in them. "Honestly, you can't keep your hands off each other for five minutes."

"Ron this time was different. We talked for a good hour befor-"

"Before you snogged each other senseless?"

"Ugh, no. I was taking him back to his common room under the cloak, since we finished after hours, and we almost got caught by Snape. Well, after Snape left he kissed me again." Harry said simply.

"That does not explain how you got a love bite. Unless, there is some other Slytherin you would like to tell me about."

"Oh no. He just got a little carried away."

"And you let him. Harry, do you understand what this implies? I know you both went out with Gin, but you could be bi. All I'm saying is that you need to take some time and figure yourself out."

Harry took a deep breath. "Ron, I don't need any time." Ron's eyes grew big and he started shaking his head. "I'm gay."

0o0

Draco entered his dorms and got ready for bed. It was still pretty early, but the day had exhausted him. As he lay between the sheets, nearly asleep, a voice came from behind the curtains.

"Draco, what the hell are you doing in bed at 11:30 on a Friday? Are you sick?"

"No, Nott. I'm just tired. Do you mind?"

"Actually, I do." This was said as the head of a boy with black hair and sharp features poked in. "I thought we were supposed to hang out tonight," he said disappointed.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"Why? Three weeks ago you were all for it."

"Well, things change." Draco said with a smile on his face.

"Who is he?" Nott asked nonchalantly as he invited himself to sit down.

"What makes you think there is anyone? I could just not be in the mood, or maybe I decided I'm not attracted to you."

"First of all." he said this as he straddled Draco's waist. "I have never heard you turn down meaningless sex before, even if you weren't genuinely attracted to them; Pansy, for instance." Draco cringed at the name. "And second," he smacked Draco hard on the arm. "How could you NOT be attracted to ME?" his facial expression reeked of arrogance. "So, I will ask you again: who is he?"

Draco paled slightly. "No one."

"We have established that there is a someone, but they are a no one. Who would you be ashamed of being associated with? You've already dirtied yourself with that Weasley. What could be worse? Longbottom?" he asked sarcastically.

"Now, that is disgusting. Get your nasty arse out of my bed."

"Ok, maybe not Longbottom, but I bet it is a Gryffindor." Nott said, adding a triumphant glare as Draco's face turned red. "So, who is the lucky Gryff?" He said to himself. "I know it isn't the Weasel boy or Boy Wonder. Oh, Finnegan. He seems to like you." Draco merely shook his head, thankful that Harry had been skipped over.

"Look Nott, there is NO ONE. I am just incredibly tired. I would greatly appreciate it if you removed yourself from my person." he said, mockingly.

"Whatever, Draco, spoil sport." He heard as Nott left through the curtains.

0o0

"It couldn't be me." Harry heard Ron say.

"I'm sorry?"

"Never mind. I'm going up to bed." he started to get up from the couch, but felt a hand grab his wrist. He turned to see Harry's face slightly red and he looked utterly distraught.

"Tell me that didn't mean what I think it meant." Harry said pleadingly. "Tell me that you are upset about Draco because of who he is, and not what he brought out in me. Tell me you are not jealous." Tears were forming in his eyes now because of the look on Ron's face.

"I can't, Harry." He resignedly returned to his seat on the couch. "I've wanted to tell you for so long. I always thought there was no way someone so incredibly heterosexual could look at me the way I look at you. But it wasn't me who made you feel this way. It wasn't your best friend who made you realize who you are, but your worst enemy. It's ironic really, that twisted line between love and hate."

"I'm sorry, did you just say love? Draco and I have minimal tolerance and one hell of a libido, but love is not in the equation."

"Whatever Harry. You can say what you want, but I know what I see in you. I have been reading your emotions for nearly seven years and I have never seen you float about like you do after one of your little, ugh, encounters with Ferret. You can tell me you feel nothing but a purely physical attraction, but I know you are lying, maybe even to yourself." he stopped for a moment and then a look of comprehension came across his face. "Do you find me attractive Harry?" Harry opened his mouth several times, but nothing came out. "If you don't that's fine. This has nothing to do with me." He said this while waving his hand, dismissing that thought. "Do you find me attractive?"

"Honestly, Ron I've never thought about it." He looked thoughtful for a moment, silently scanning Ron from head to toe. "Yes, I suppose I do." smiling slightly at the blush that covered Ron's face. He didn't know why Ron was blushing. He had asked the question, knowing the possible answers.

Suddenly, Ron leaned over and kissed him. It was not as intense as his kisses with Draco. It was sweet, but that tingle didn't cover his body. There was just something missing. Finally, they broke apart and Harry looked expectantly at Ron. Neither saw a petrified first year hurtle himself back up the stairs as fast as his little legs would let him.

"What did you feel?"

"It was nice, but-" he stopped as he saw Ron's head fall. "You said this had nothing to do with you. I don't want to disappoint you, but you wanted me to be honest. It didn't feel like it did with Draco. I think I'm just more attracted to him." Harry said quietly.

"No, Harry. It's fine. You can't blame me for hoping. Anyway, what is it that is missing from our kiss compared to one from Malfoy?"

"When Draco and I kiss, I get this sort of tingling all over my body. I didn't feel that when you kissed me."

"Is this "tingling" a, umm, sexual sensation? Does it drive you to leave love bites on his neck and vise versa?"

"It's not sexual per say. I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you. Where are you going with this?" Harry said, blushing furiously.

"My point is that you didn't feel it because you don't love me. You may be attracted to me and you may enjoy, well, you just don't have those feelings for me. I am convinced that your attraction to Malfoy goes beyond the physical. Even physical intimacy can't make you look that goofy. Every time you say his name you get that same damn smile on your face. It's bloody annoying." Ron finished heatedly.

"Jealous?" Harry asked sarcastically, but received a glare from his best friend.

"Damn right, I'm jealous. You have been on speaking terms, not including hexes, for all of a week, if not less. I have been your best friend for seven years. How is that fair?" he said exasperated. Harry merely shook his head.

"It's not, really. I'm sorry Ron. I had no idea. Is this your way of coming out to me?" Harry asked obviously unsure of himself. Ron squared his shoulders.

"I'm bi. Half the castle knows already. I just never got around to telling Hermione or you. You have no idea how hard the last two years have been. One second, I was infatuated with you and then the very next day I was in love with Hermione again. It was insanity."

"Wow, I didn't know your feelings for Hermione were that strong. Anyway, I am going up to bed. See you in the morning." Harry slowly stood up from the couch and made his way up the stairs to the boys' dormitory.

0o0

The next morning, Harry woke up late, but didn't really rush to make it down to breakfast. He sat at his usual seat in the middle of the Gryffindor table. Many students were still there, feeling no need to go anywhere any time soon. Slowly, he buttered his toast and pulled the sausage towards him.

"It was bloody amazing. I know he has a reputation and all, but it's nothing compared to the real thing." Slytherin sex banter was not on the top of Harry's most entertaining thoughts. He nearly started to tune it out, but then the next statement sunk in.

"So, Draco truly is a sex god? Ah, what I wouldn't give." Harry's ears perked at the name, but his heart fell. He listened more intently.

"I have to admit it was kind of short, but that is only to be expected since, rumor has it, he hasn't gotten any in nearly a month." he finally recognized the voices as those of Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini. That slimy git had slept with Draco last night? He had lost his appetite. Thinking fast, he stormed out of the Great Hall and made for the grounds. He fancied a long walk to clear his head of all this nonsense.

0o0

Draco sat in the library, starting his neglected homework from the week prior. A battered potions book sat before him. His parchment was nearly blank and his quill lay next to his hand as he scanned the page. A group of rowdy first years came bustling past him and sat at the table diagonal from his. He let his concentration drift back to the book in front of him. That is, until he heard one of the first years squeal. "That could get old fast."

"I couldn't believe it. I went down to the common room last night to pick up my transfiguration book and there, on one of the couches, was Ron Weasely and Harry Potter snogging! I nearly tripped over the first step trying to make sure they hadn't seen me. I would be in a sorry state if they had. I didn't even know Harry Potter was gay!" said the little boy, flabbergasted at the revelation. "That's what it means, right? The savior of our world is a poof."

Draco couldn't decide which made him angrier; the fact that Harry had made out with someone else- well not just someone else, but his best friend- or the way that the first year's nose now turned up slightly as he said Harry's name. He slammed the potions book closed, making the group of munchkins jump, and placed it on the shelf before stalking out of the library. He didn't really know what to do. He barely knew why he was so emotional and angry. Maybe if he just threw something it would go away. Preferably, a copy of _Hogwarts, A History,_ with that snot nosed first year's face as a target.

He shook his head slightly and made his way up the stairs. He didn't want to be anywhere near the dungeons right now. He needed a little comfort. After a few moments, he found himself in front of that blank wall Harry had led him to the night before.

'How did he say this thing worked? You say your desires twice and the door appears, I think. What are my desires?' he asked himself, while a sick grin plastered his face. 'Ok, that probably wouldn't help this particular line of thought. I need a comfortable place to think. That's it.' he walked up closer to the space. 'I need a place to think, I need a place to think.' he looked up, but nothing had happened. "Damn it, I need a place to think!" He pounded the wall, and was surprised when a door appeared. 'Ah, so it is three times,' he thought as he turned the handle.


	7. Lies

**A/N: Woohoo. I'm on a role. I hope you are all enjoying the story. Thanks to all the reviewers Love and of course Pink Elephant! **

**Chapter Seven**

Harry walked around the lake several times, trying to get the blond out of his thoughts. He didn't feel betrayed or angry, just hurt and, though he would never admit it to anyone else, jealous. He knew they had no commitment; hell they didn't really have a relationship of any kind. They weren't enemies, but they weren't friends either. They were more than acquaintances, but less then lovers. What claim did he have against Nott, other than the childish pleas of: But I want it! Short of stomping his feet like a four year old, there wasn't much he could do.

Slowly, his thoughts drifted to Ron's words from the night before. Was it possible for his slightly off-balance friend to have a point? Could he love Draco and not even realize it? Ron was never one to be very observant; but that had never really applied to Harry, now that he thought about it. Yet, how could he love someone he hardly knew, someone he had learned to hate so easily? Hate; it all came back to that didn't it? The emotion was always intense between them. Their rivalry was known throughout the school. There was no denying the passion they shared, no matter what circumstances they were in.

0o0

Draco walked into the Room of Requirement and found it exactly as it had been the night before. The two comfy black couches sat facing each other with the petite, wooden table separating them. He naturally sat on "his" couch, started a fire, and leaned back into the cushions.

He didn't know how to explain his actions of late, not even to himself. Even when he was in relationships, he never got this testy an- wait, what were they? What did he want, other than the obvious? Weeks ago he had convinced himself that, if got out of hand, once they shagged, this would all go away. He hadn't counted on Harry actually opening up to him and vice versa. He didn't expect to feel comfortable around him, short of physical intimacy, which meant very little to him. He couldn't deny that their- whatever they had- changed drastically the previous night. Why? Why were they suddenly on a first name basis and how did he got so caught up in this? Suddenly, he remembered.

"I've never wanted someone before. I've never needed someone. It kind of scares me," Draco said out loud.

He had never been more dumbfounded by any other statement in his life. Harry's tone had only added to the warmth that had settled in his chest. The other boy sounded feeble, but restless at the same time; so much like himself. Harry may be new to the sensation of lust, but Draco knew little feelings outside of it. Much of what he had felt in the last day had been completely foreign to him. He looked over to the other couch, finally taking in its emptiness, and decided it was time to get out of the room, since it did little to comfort him. Really, it only confused him further.

0o0

The entrance hall was unusually quiet for a Saturday, but Harry supposed everyone was still outside, enjoying the sun before their homework called them indoors. He made his way up the first set of stairs, on his way back to his dorm. He had just made it to the first landing when someone shoved him and nearly pushed him off the first step.

"Watch it, Potter." he heard a familiar drawl and looked up to see a blond head retreating down the stairs.

"So, it's Potter now is it?" Harry asked, sounding hurt.

"Damn right, it's Potter." Draco said as he left the last step. Harry followed close behind him.

"Why are you so angry? If anything, it should be me who is upset." his face was red, but he kept his tone even. He saw the back before him turn slightly and felt himself being pressed against a wall. He was really getting used to this.

"What the hell do you mean by that? I haven't done anything to warrant making you mad." he said defensively. "I, on the other hand, am not angry, just-" but he stopped himself. That was not something he was ready to admit yet.

"I'm not angry really. I guess disappointed would be a good word; let down. I expected more from you, though I don't know why." Harry said softly.

"What?" Draco looked confused and it made Harry feel completely small. Maybe he had no right to feel the way he did. "Harry, what are you talking about? You're the one who made out with Weasel. Why should you be upset?" he looked accusingly at the raven-haired boy.

"How- how did you know Ron kissed me?"

"Some first year was blabbing about it in the library." he said looking down. Harry's eyes were surprised, but he was angry. In fact, Draco didn't think he had ever made Harry that angry. If he didn't look down he was bound to shove him harder against the wall. As he looked up, he saw the anger was gone, but the surprise lingered.

"You were that upset because you heard I had kissed Ron?" Now a small smile played on his lips and his tone was slightly mocking.

"Don't get too excited, Potter." It was more of a warning than anything, stating a line that was not to be crossed yet.

"Ok, well you should know that it was Ron who kissed me and it was a slightly less then romantic situation."

"Do explain." he drawled, clearly not impressed, but he backed off of Harry slightly and let him have some space.

"I had forgotten that I was supposed to work Potions with Ron last night. Obviously, I didn't get in until late and he was already asleep on the couch. When I woke him he asked me where I was and what I had done to my neck." Harry shot a pointed look up at Draco. "He got really angry, but then all he cared about was that I figure myself out. He was afraid that I wasn't giving my attraction to you enough credit." Draco smiled slightly. "I told him that I didn't need any time and that I was gay." As soon as this statement left his lips, Draco kissed him lightly.

"I told you so." he quipped as they parted.

"Mhmm." Harry said slightly distracted. There was a comfortable silence.

"That still doesn't explain why you were kissing Weasel." Draco said, effectively breaking the mood.

"Oh, well," he stopped for a moment, trying to place his thoughts together. "As soon as I told him I was gay, he said, 'It couldn't be me.' I swear I will never forget it." He looked up to gauge Draco's response, and was surprised to see that there was little. "He said he had jumped between me and Hermione for the past two years, never knowing which one he loved more. I couldn't believe it."

"I can. All you have to do is look at him. I wondered about that for a long time; probably since the Triwizard Tournament in fourth year. He was the thing you would miss most."

"I guess I never thought of it that way." Harry said, looking thoughtful. "Hold on, here you are making me feel horrible for kissing Ron, when you were the one who went and shagged someone after we met last night." he said defensively.

"What? I didn't shag an- Nott, that lying bastard!" Draco looked furious. Harry had to control himself. Here was not the time or the place, unfortunately. "Looks like we're in the same boat, kind of."

"So, you didn't shag Nott last night?" Harry said hopefully.

"No, we had had an arrangement. He wanted to and I'm usually not one to refuse."

"Then why did you?"

"I don't know. Why did you get jealous?" he asked sardonically. 'He better not make me say it.' Draco thought.

"Because I wanted it to be me." Harry replied bluntly, meeting Draco's eyes as he felt himself being pressed firmly against the wall by a lean body. Draco initiated the kiss, but Harry deepened it, moaning slightly as Draco's tongue entered his mouth. Suddenly, there was a gasp behind them.

"I knew it was true. Harry Potter is a poof!" said a little boy behind them. It was obvious he had just recognized Draco. "And Draco Malfoy." the little second year looked like his head was about to explode.

"Yes, yes, run along now." Draco said nonchalantly as he pushed his mouth back onto Harry's, but Harry pulled away.

"Draco, I thought you needed to keep your sexuality a secret, what with your father and all." The lust melted slightly in Draco's eyes, but he didn't think very long before he answered.

"Fuck it. There isn't much he can do to me now that he hasn't already done, short of killing me." Draco said sarcastically, but his eyes were strangely serious.

Harry almost missed it, but felt sympathetic towards the man standing in front of him. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Draco's lightly. It was a consoling kiss. It was meant to reassure and calm and was nothing like what they had shared before. Draco pulled away and looked at Harry questioningly. Seeing all the emotion in Harry's eyes, he took a step back. 'I can't do this.' he thought frantically. He started to walk down the hall and heard Harry following him.

"Draco, what's wrong?" he sounded so concerned, so caring; nothing Draco felt he deserved. He turned suddenly and Harry nearly fell into him. He found his arms around the other boy again, but removed them quickly.

"I can't do this, Harry." he started to walk away again, but knew it was no use, 'Stupid, stubborn Gryffindor.' He felt a hand on his shoulder and halted, defeated.

"You can't do what?" but he finally understood. Draco didn't pull away until there was more than sex involved. "That's all this is then? I'm just another shag?" Harry asked, trying to keep his voice steady and his tone light. Why did he care? He knew from the beginning that was all that could come out of this. Of course, at first that was all he wanted too. When had he started to want more?

"Look, Harry." Draco said, not turning around. He couldn't look Harry in the eye. "There's a lot of things that you can't understand about this. Just let it go." He tried to walk away again. He took three or four steps and thought that Harry had finally given up, but suddenly, Harry was in front of him.

"I don't care," he said bluntly. "I need this as much as you want it."

"I'm sorry, Harry, I can't, no matter how much I want to," he said reassuringly. "We both know that this has changed." He motioned between the two of them with a hand.

"Fine," Harry finally said heatedly. "But we both know that this," he motioned between them as Draco had, "is not over." He stopped and took a deep breath. "As much as you want it to be," he added softly. Harry turned to walk away, hoping that Draco would stop him.


	8. Black Roses Red

**A/N: Hey all. Chapter eight is here. Thank you to all who reviewed. Enjoy. aLtO**

**Chapter Eight**

Harry kept on walking, and Draco let him. He watched as Harry turned the corner, and then made his way to his own dorm. He knew exactly what he needed to get the raven-haired boy out of his system. Once in the Slytherin common room, he slowly walked towards Nott and sunk his head down so it was level with the other boy's ear.

"Our room, five minutes." he said softly. Nott looked up swiftly and nodded.

Five minutes later, Draco sat on his bed, waiting for his roommate. As Nott entered, he stood. Nott kissed him forcefully and pushed him back towards the bed. This was what Draco needed. He initiated the kiss this time and he felt nothing. 'This is how it is supposed to be. No stupid Gryffindors and no freakish tingling, just sex.' he thought as he felt Nott's hands graze his torso and finally unbutton his fly.

0o0

Harry sat in his room, staring out the window, where he had been for nearly two hours. The tears had started again, no matter how he willed them away. He couldn't stop his thoughts from going back to his conversations with Draco and everything they had shared with each other. For some reason, he had divulged things to him that he had not told another soul.

Never before had he spoken of his insecurities about what everyone expected him to be. Yes, he had resigned himself to his fate, but he couldn't help feeling that the Wizarding World had chosen the wrong hero. He was not strong enough or brave enough. He could never be what they wanted or needed him to be. Suddenly, he was brought out of his pondering by the door to the dorms opening. Ron walked in and put his hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Mate, you might want to know that the majority of the school knows about you being gay and the guys are on their way up here." he said this quickly and not a second after he'd finished, the door opened. Seamus was the first one in, followed closely by Dean and then finally, Neville.

"Harry, are you really a poof?" Seamus asked bluntly, earning him an elbow in the ribs from Dean.

"What he means is, are you really gay?" Dean said softly. Harry traded glances with all of them; each face apprehensive.

"Yes." he answered quietly.

"I knew it. I told you Neville, pay up." Neville rolled his eyes and handed Seamus three galleons.

"Excuse me; did you really make a bet on my sexuality?" Harry said, slightly offended.

"Well, Neville said it couldn't be true since you went out with Ginny and whatever that thing was with Chang, but I had seen you talking to Malfoy yesterday and you looked pretty comfortable with each other. Since the rumor is that Malfoy is your, uh, partner, I had no problem believing it. I did want to make sure first though." he said this as though it made up for the audacity of his first few statements.

"Whatever Seamus. Draco and I aren't together. We aren't even friends." he said bitterly..

"Then why did you just call him Draco?" Neville asked. As his eyes met Neville's, Harry wondered the same thing; and since he didn't have a satisfactory answer, he kept quiet.

"I heard you two were caught near the entrance hall snogging. I think that at least constitutes friendship." Dean accused.

"What happened?" Ron asked, finally taking in the full meaning of his friend's words. Harry looked up at him sadly.

"Everything got fucked up. We were caught in the hall snogging, but right after that it all went to hell." he felt a hand on his shoulder again. "It doesn't really matter," he added.

"As little as I want to see you with Malfoy, I know it matters." Harry turned back towards the window. "Come on, Harry. Talk to me," he said, almost pleading. When Harry didn't respond, he turned to their roommates. "Would you mind giving us a minute, guys?" he asked finally. No one said a word, but they all filed out. "Harry?" he said as he sat on the other side of the bed. Harry's head shot up.

"You were right, Ron. I think I love him." Harry said quietly. "I love him, but he wants nothing more than a friendly shag. As soon as there were actual feelings involved, he ran. I can't believe how much I messed this up. If I had just left it alone this wouldn't be nearly as bad."

"Left what alone, your feelings?" Ron asked confused.

"No, his feelings."

"Do you think he feels that same way?"

"I think if he does, he is scared shitless, but I'm not sure. Ron, I don't know how this happened. I don't even know when I started loving him; when my need for him went from physical to, I don't know, something completely different." he put his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes, trying cover up the tears that had finally begun to fall again.

"It's alright, mate. He will come around." he stood and was about to leave, when the door opened and Hermione walked in.

"Hey guys, would you li-" she stopped abruptly when she saw the tears streaming down Harry's face.

"What happened?" she asked Ron. He mouthed M-A-L-F-O-Y. Suddenly, her face turned bright red. O-H, she mouthed back.

"Merlin people, you can talk. I'm not going to blow up if you say his name or anything." they both looked sheepish and went about their conversation normally.

0o0

Draco lay in his bed. Nott had left hours ago, but he hadn't moved an inch since. The thing he thought would take his pain away had left him completely empty. He had to stop himself from screaming Harry's name in the end. He knew it would never be like that with Harry. He had ruined the whole damn thing before it even got started.

He heard the door to his dorm open and pulled his head up slightly. All he saw was blonde hair before all he could feel was pain. When it stopped and his eyes came back into focus he spoke. He didn't even need to look up to know who it was.

"Father?" a weak voice he could barely recognize as his own, emitted.

"I thought I taught you better than this, boy. You filth. I can't decide which infuriates me more; the fact that you are a fag or the fact that you have been gallivanting about the castle with Potter." Draco felt a swift kick to his abdomen and he fell off the bed. "Honestly, Draco what possessed you to bring this upon yourself? You have given me no choice and you know it. You are no son of mine. Goodbye, Draco." Suddenly, the pain was back again. The last thing he remembered was how much he wished he could die. That was all he really deserved, a nice, quiet death.

By the time he reawakened, it was dark out. His whole body was stiff and he could feel blood seeping down his face. He tried to lift his hand to his face, but the motion only shot a terrible pain down his spine. It was a good twenty minutes before he could stand again. He took a tentative step towards the door and winced slightly, but kept going. If he stopped now he would never make it.

It had to have taken him a good fifteen minutes to get the common room, which was deserted. It was later then he thought. He was three corridors away from the hospital wing when he hit an invisible force in the middle of the hallway. He kept his balance, but at a cost. His neck and upper back flinched slightly as the muscles contracted. Suddenly, Harry was standing in front of him.

"Draco! What happened?" he said.

"Nothing." Draco tried to pass, but couldn't find the energy to protest as the boy grabbed his hand and turned him around. They stood face to face. Draco felt a small hand and nimble fingers caress his face around his scratches and forming bruises.

"This is not nothing. Who did this to you?" he asked softly, not trying to hide the concern on his face.

"I did."

"What?" he looked amazed and sad.

"Through my actions, I brought this upon myself." Draco said this as though it were obvious.

Then Harry was hugging him. It was soft and comforting. "No one deserves this Draco. Who did this to you?" he repeated.

"Father." he spoke softly.

"I knew it was a mistake. This is all my fault. We should have been more careful." Harry ranted and Draco didn't have the strength to interrupt.

"Surprisingly, most of this is because of who I am and not who you are." Harry moved his hand back to Draco's face, but this time Draco flinched away and tried to turn back around.

"No, Draco. Please, don't. Let me help you." Harry pleaded.

"I don't need your help," he stated simply.

"Draco, you can't do this on your own. Everyone needs something to lean on once in a while and you're barely in a state to walk. Please, at least let me help you to the hospital wing." Harry put his arm around Draco's shoulders.

"Potter." he said coldly. "I got myself into this and I will get myself out. Please, let go."

"No, none of this is your fault."

Draco averted his eyes, but Harry pushed his chin up slightly and forced eye contact.

"This is not your fault," he repeated. "I don't know what your father has put in your head, but no one deserves this, especially not for being who they are. Now, will you let me help you?" Draco nodded, defeated, and shifted his weight onto Harry's left side.

0o0

Madam Pomfrey started fussing over Draco immediately. She healed his minor cuts, but when she lifted his shirt she let out a gasp. There were old and forming scars and bruises covering his abdomen and ribs. Harry felt sick from the sight of it.

"Draco!" he muttered under his breath. Draco was handed several potions and prodded as needed. As he took the last potion he felt dizzy and tired. He leaned back onto his pillow and was asleep shortly after.

Draco was asleep for three hours, but Harry couldn't tear himself away for more than a few minutes. It wasn't a life-threatening situation, but Draco obviously needed to know that someone cared; that he cared.

Finally, those grey eyes opened. There was silence for a moment as the situation seeped in to the blonde. Silently, tears began to roll down his face. He didn't even see Harry seated next to his bed.

Soon his tears became cries and his chest was wracked with sobs. He had nothing. He had no family, no real friends, and no name. He literally did not exist. Suddenly, he felt a soft hand in his hair and small cooing sound from his right. He looked up and finally met Harry's eyes. The Gryffindor swiftly sat next to Draco and hugged him loosely.

"It's ok. We'll get you through this. Everything will be alright." Draco heard in his ear. Against his own will, he calmed slightly at the words. Maybe it was the warm air on his ear, or who the words were coming from, but his tears slowed and his breathing steadied.

"Thank you," he finally muttered softly.

"You are more than welcome. Scoot over." without thinking, Draco complied and felt Harry slide in next to him, draping an arm over his waist and pulling him closer. His tears stopped altogether.

"Harry, what are you doing?" Draco heard himself say.

"I'm trying to make you feel better. I want you to know that I am here for you, and this seemed like the best way. If only as a friend, I am here." the last statement came out a bit more bitter than Harry had intended.

"I'm sorry," Draco said.

"For what?" Harry asked confused.

"For hurting you." he said softly. With everything that had happened, not once had Harry thought about that morning.

"It's ok. Let's just get you better, and then we can talk about that," he said, smiling into the blonde hair, filling his nostrils with the scent of honey.

"No, it really isn't. My father, Lucius, disowned me." he felt Harry's grasp around him tighten immediately. "I have nothing. I had no right to say the things I did and to push you away, but Harry," he stopped, wondering if he should or even could admit this. "I was scared." he felt a small kiss land on his shoulder blade.

"I know." Harry felt the blonde shift slightly in his arms. Draco turned completely and faced him. For a long time they just stared. Finally, almost resolutely, Draco leaned forward and brushed his lips against Harry's. They were both overcome with a tingling sensation that started at their lips and shot through their spines. Harry deepened the sweet, light kiss and pulled Draco closer to him. He ran his fingers through the fluffy, white locks and felt Draco mimic him. They separated eventually and continued to stare at each other.

Harry heard a sound. It was light and beautiful. He realized that Draco was humming.

"What are you humming?" Harry asked.

"Something I heard when I was little. It was on a muggle radio station. I think I was ten and my mother brought me on vacation to the U.S. It was somewhere in California, I think. Anyway, I must have heard this song five or six times in the two weeks I was there."

"Will- will you sing it for me? It sounds like you have a good voice." Harry said tentatively. Draco went silent for a moment, but without an answer, began to sing softly.

_Can I ask you a question please?_

_Promise you won't laugh at me._

_Honestly, I'm standing here, _

_Afraid I'll be betrayed._

_As twisted as it seems,_

_I only feel love when it's in my dreams._

_So let in the morning light_

_and let the darkness fade away._

_Can you turn my black roses red?_

_Can you turn my black roses red?_

_I feel like I've never known love._

_I feel like I've never known lo-._

Harry cut off the last measure with a searing kiss. As they parted Harry took a deep breath, but one look into Draco's eyes and he knew he had to say it.

"I- I love you."


	9. Numb

**A/N: Well, theres been a bit of a shift in the tone of the story now. I hope you all enjoyed the change. Do not fear. Draco is still Draco. Hes still the prick we all know and love. Enjoy! **

**Chapter Nine**

"Harry," he said softly. "As much as I know you mean that, I can't give you what you want. I don't know how. That song is my life. I haven't the slightest idea how to return love or react to it. I don't want to disappoint you and I don't want to hurt you again." He felt a hand caressing his hair lightly.

"Just don't run from me and you won't disappoint me. Let me show you."

"I may not be a Death Eater, but that doesn't make me a good person."

"Someone once told me that there is no good or evil, only power and those willing to seek it," he said calmly.

"Who said that? It had to be the Dark Lord." he felt Harry nod. "When?"

"First year." he said nonchalantly. Draco shuddered.

"I can't believe every thing you have gone through. Why would you want someone like me? I have nothing to offer a hero." His tone was painful and melancholy.

"Being a 'hero' does not make me a good person either. I do what I have to do to stay alive. Do you think I knew what I was doing at eleven? All I knew was I had to get the fuck out of there. If I hadn't gotten involved; if I had left well enough alone, he would have never had a chance at the stone." Draco shot him a quizzical look. "Dumbledore told me only someone who wished to have the stone, but not use it could retrieve it. It was perfectly safe. Granted, Voldemort would have inhabited Quirrel longer and perhaps gotten it eventually, but it was my foolishness that almost lost us the stone. It took me a good three years to figure that one out."

"Harry." Draco said under his breath.

"I've gotten lucky so many times. No one knows how close I have come to truly fucking things up, and in at least one case succeeded. I may have good intentions, but that does not make me a good person. It does not change what I have done."

"What have you done? Harry, you saved us. It may not have been flawless, but you did, on many occasions. Your so-called foolishness is only a product of what people expect of you. Believe me, I know." Harry just shook his head.

"No matter how many people I save, it can't change the people I have killed." Draco looked astonished, but stayed silent.

"I killed Cedric and Sirius. I nearly killed Hermione and Ron along the way. That's why I make a shitty savior, once people I care about are in danger no one else matters."

"You can't believe that. Diggory died trying to win. The Dark Lord killed him, not you." Again, Harry shook his head.

"I told him to take the cup with me. We had helped each other throughout the tournament and I thought it was only fitting that both of us win. Pettigrew killed him and it was all my fault." He laid his head back against the pillow.

"You have got to stop telling yourself these things. It is not your fault! Every aspect of these situations is controlled, but not by you. This is all the Dark Lord's doing. He has manipulated you. You need to take all that anger and resentment you feel for yourself and project it towards him."

Harry looked at him, speechless. He merely nodded and pulled the blonde closer. "Did that sound at all familiar? I just told you, more or less, the same thing about four hours ago. What happened to you and what your father has put in your head is as much your fault as you say these people's deaths are mine. He doesn't deserve your loyalty anymore; not after this." Harry motioned to Draco's body.

"I guess we are more similar then even I realized." Draco said.

"Yeah, we are." Harry whispered as he felt sleep overtaking him.

0o0

Draco awoke to a warm presence next to him and felt pressure on his side. He looked up and saw green. Harry was lying next to him with his arm still draped possessively over his side. He felt that warmness return to his chest momentarily, but pushed it aside as he took in the sight of the person beside him.

"Harry?" he said groggily.

"You're awake." he said happily. "How are you feeling?" Harry placed a tentative hand on Draco's chest.

"Like a few hundred bludgers got the best of me." He felt Harry's grip tighten and he relaxed immediately.

"Are you hungry?"

Draco just nodded his head. Moving in any other fashion didn't seem such a good idea, for many reasons. Harry shifted and removed his arm. Draco felt the weight being lifted off the bed and immediately felt its absence. "When did I become so sentimental?' he thought to himself. As the grogginess had finally drifted away, his eyes shot open as he remembered what had happened the night before. 'He loves me.' Draco found himself thinking over and over again. Then he was hit with another realization. The first thing he thought of was Harry; not his father or his pain, but Harry. Again, he pushed it aside.

Harry returned with a tray full of food and fresh change of clothes for both of them. He tossed the clothes to Draco, placed the food on the side table and closed the curtains around the bed. He heard a small huff from the other side. Knowing that huff belonged to Madame Pomfrey, he slowly opened the curtains. She was standing directly in front of him. Without a word, she pointed to the bed next to her. Harry shook his head, closed Draco's curtains and dramatically walked to the other bed. His curtains were closed, but he could hear Madame Pomfrey fussing over Draco.

"You need to eat at least half of what Harry brought you and make sure you get some rest. I don't want to see you out of this bed, except for the obvious reasons, for two days. Understood?"

He changed swiftly and pulled his curtains aside. As he walked past Madame Pomfrey, he was filled with the most disturbing mixture of sadness and lust. Draco was seated on his bed, shirtless. He wished he could remove every yellow and black bruise that littered his chest, but upon seeing the defined muscles of Draco's stomach and arms, his thoughts shifted slightly. One day, he would repay Lucius Malfoy for every bruise and every tear, but for now, he just wanted Draco. He felt the air leave his lungs as the revelation swept through his body. He wanted Draco in every way.

Harry staggered back a step and could feel Draco's questioning gaze. Gathering his wits about him again, he sat on the bed next to Draco.

"Is there anything you want from your room?" Harry asked softly. Draco looked thoughtful for a moment. He didn't want his dorm mates snooping through his stuff, but he desperately needed his journal and a fair bit of reading material if he was going to be stuck in this gods-forsaken room for two days.

"I wouldn't trust anyone but you to get it. Would you mind?" he asked tentatively.

"Not at all," Harry said with a smile.

"There is a small red notebook in the top left drawer of my desk and on the bookshelf on the farthest wall there is a set of potions manuals. If you could bring me those along with," he stopped, thinking of which book he wanted. "Blood and Chocolate," he said finally. Harry looked skeptical.

"A Muggle book, Draco?"

"We both know that that is no ordinary Muggle book. Weasely is our King, room 13. There is a photo of my mother and me on my desk," he said softly. Harry smiled and nodded.

"Too true. I will be back soon. Eat before Pomfrey has a conniption." the statement goaded a questioning look from Draco. Harry just waved his hand and set out towards the Slytherin dorms.

As soon as Harry neared the arch in the stone, he felt his guards go up. His nose twitched as he stood in front of the beautifully crafted stonework inbedded into the arch. He could see small snakes engraved from one end to the other.

"Weasely is our King." he said softly, smiling. Suddenly, the snakes shifted and the archway slid to the side. The opening was about eight feet high and three feet wide. He stepped into a cold, large room with black furniture and a huge fireplace.

He found the notebook quickly and turned to find the bookcase. It was full and Harry was happy to find that it was balanced between Magical and Muggle novels. There were a few potions books and he spotted the set Draco had told him about. He was about to leave when the door opened slightly. He heard someone stutter and stumble.

"What the fuck?" It was Zabini and Nott. Zabini's mouth was firmly attached to Nott's neck, but Nott was facing Harry. Zabini raised his head slightly and turned around. Harry curtly dropped all of the books in his arms. Nott looked confounded but uttered again, "What the fuck?"

"I was grabbing a few things for Draco. He is in the hospital wing." Nott's eyes narrowed and then suddenly shot open in surprise.

"You're his Gryffindor? I thought-" He cut himself off at the rage playing behind Harry's eyes. "Well, don't let us interrupt you. Scurry on now," he said, quickly returning to Zabini and picking up where he left.

Harry could now see that Nott's hand was quite fiercely attached to Zabini's ass. No doubt that image would take months to scourgify from his brain. He stooped to pick up the books and saw that the red one had opened. He gathered the others first and placed the red one open on top of them. He wasn't usually one to pry, but the word atop the page caught his eye. He walked out of the room and was out of the Slytherin common room before he turned his attention back to the book.

**Numb**

_Is anybody out there who can make me feel?_

_The numbness won't subside _

_And the present's far too real._

_Can you quench this thirst?_

_Unbreak my dreams?_

_I promise this life is nothing like it seems._

_The scars of past decisions seep into my skin._

_Acidicly, the memories are burning their way in._

_Maybe one day the guilt will go away,_

_For once, a wisp of sanity could fly my way._

Harry felt his heart stop at the last line. 'Gods, Draco.' he thought and made his way, once again, to the infirmary.

**A/N: So, the poem and any other poem used in this story from this chapter on, unless I have said otherwise, is mine. I have copyrights and all that jazz, so seek permission if for some reason you would like to use them. Thank you! aLtO**


	10. In the Silence

**A/N: I might still get one or two more chapters out tonight, so keep a look out. Big thanks again and always to PinkElephant and all the reviewers. hearts. aLtO**

**Chapter Ten**

As Harry reentered the hospital wing, he saw the headmaster and Professor Snape beside Draco's bed.

"Headmaster," he greeted as he handed Draco his books. Harry could see Snape's eyes nearly fall out of his head from the corner of his. He smiled lightly.

"Potter," Snape said. "May I ask how you came to posses Mr. Malfoy's books?" he asked coldly.

"I asked him to get them for me Professor," Draco intervened.

"I have clearly missed something important." Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling with questions.

The boys shared a look. What were they to tell their two nosey mentors? They didn't know much themselves. As if sensing the uncertainly between the two, Dumbledore went on. "We are dreadfully sorry we could not come earlier. We had to search the premises for Malfoy Sr."

"It's fine. Madame Pomfrey and Harry did all the nagging necessary. You missed little," Draco said and smiled at the slight twitch his head of house emitted as he spoke Harry's name. It really was quite amusing.

"I see," Snape said quietly. Harry sat on the bed next to Draco after a moment of silence.

"I'm sorry to say that we will need some account of last night's events at some point. I will not ask it of you now, but I wish for you to be prepared when I do." Dumbledore's smile was ebbing away slightly. "We were informed shortly after you arrived here that your father has done his worst. I need to know your wishes concerning your name, your guardianship, and your house status. Again, I will not ask these things of you at the moment, but you need to think about them.

"Madame Pomfrey says that you will be with her for two days at least. I hope you use that time wisely. If you wish, Harry, or anyone you choose, will be excused from tomorrow's lessons. I feel you need someone with you for now. I know yesterday was a trying day in many respects. I am infinitely grateful that this did not go worse.

"In response to this attack, I'm canceling the Hogsmeade trip next weekend and strengthening the wards to the school. I do not know how Lucius Malfoy entered this castle undetected, but I will find out. Rest assured Mr. Malfoy, your father will not be harming you any longer." He rested a consoling hand on Draco's shoulder. Draco nodded his head slowly.

"I would like Harry to stay with me tomorrow. I don't need to think much about my name. I want to take my mother's maiden name, Black, and I thought for sure that guardianship would go to my godfather, if not my mother. Does my father's actions affect my mother's wishes as well?" he asked.

"I would fear for your safety. While you are correct, your father's decision does not automatically affect your mother's, she will, no doubt, support him. I know that Narcissa is a good mother, but if she stands by pureblood etiquette, she will follow your father's lead. She will be able to offer support from her Black side though. He cannot control the funds she may or may not offer you.

"As for your godfather, I rather hoped that would be your decision. It is, of course, his decision as well, but I feel that is the best course. While you are seventeen and legally an adult, while still at school it is best for you to have a parental figure in your life. I hope you agree." Again, Draco nodded his head slowly, obviously in deep thought.

"What do you say, Severus?" he asked quietly. Snape's head shot up. Draco never addressed him informally unless they were alone or with his family.

"It would be an honor, but I will not make this decision for you. You know I will do everything in my power to make this easier for you. I wish we weren't in this situation at all, but Lucius is hell bent on driving me crazy." Only after he had cooled down did he realize that Potter was smiling at him. "Dare I ask what you are smirking at?" he asked.

"Nothing, sir," he responded quickly; which earned him a 'humph' from the Potions Master.

All attention turned back to Draco when he cleared his throat.

"I will take a guardian. You are right, Headmaster, it would be in my best interest. Severus?" he said softly, almost meekly.

"As I said Draco, it would be an honor." he walked swiftly to the bed and hugged his godson.

Harry's mouth stood agape at the unheard of display of affection. The icy Potions Master had never shown any emotion to him other than anger and utter contempt. It was really rather breath taking, watching the two, usually cold, human beings share a sentimental moment. As quickly as it started, it ended. Snape backed away and stood behind Dumbledore once again. The old man had a crazy twinkle in his eye and a broad smile upon his face.

"I'm very glad we have resolved that. There are still many things to be done. I must go. Severus, if you wish to stay, I can wait to discuss this with you at a later time. Harry, I believe we need to talk, if you would come with me."

Suddenly, all eyes were on Harry. He had nearly been forgotten by everyone, even Draco. Harry smiled and was about to stand when he felt a hand on his back. He turned and found himself in a fierce hug with the blond. Draco kissed his cheek, whispered a 'thank you' in his ear, and beckoned Snape to take his place.

0o0

As Harry entered the Headmaster's office, he took a chair and grabbed a lemon drop before the old man offered. This brought a genuine smile to Dumbledore's face. As he settled down in his chair, Dumbledore looked up.

"So, I am greatly intrigued by quite a few things I saw a few moments ago. First, I am incredibly proud and grateful that you have finally ended your feud with young Mr. Black. It will put this school at ease. Now, if you don't mind me asking, what caused this colossal change of heart?" Harry blushed slightly.

"Well, I guess we just figured out that we are more alike then we had thought." he said sadly. "It's kind of scary, really." Dumbledore gave him an appraising look.

"And what, may I ask, is the nature of your relationship? I do not mean to pry, but I am painfully curious as to how this happened. I even saw you fight yesterday. How is it that things changed so quickly?" Harry blushed again. The headmaster had obviously not seen the end result of that fight. What was he to tell his mentor? Would he think less of him?

"I'm honestly not sure, sir. We haven't exactly gotten that far. It's quite complicated."

"I see," said the old man, blue eyes twinkling. "Well, these things usually are. I was quite intrigued by the rumors flying around school, but I did not think for a second they could be close to the truth. Although, most rumors start with a grain of truth and then become something completely different. Would you mind putting an old man's mind at ease? There are some ferocious things being said. I just wish to know the truth."

"I do not know the rumors, sir, but I guess we have become friends and more," he said cautiously. "I don't really know how to describe it. We have talked a lot and I want to help him. He needs someone who cares about him, who won't let this get the best of him. I want to be that person. I don't know what that makes us, but that is all I want," he finally looked up to meet his mentor's eyes. He couldn't help but smile at the pride reflecting in the blue depths.

"You are quite right. Know this Harry, I will never judge you based on who you choose to love. You are giving Mr. Black an amazing gift. Those who know your love are blessed." Harry felt his eyes grow slightly watery, but bowed his head again to cover it.

"Thank you, sir," he mumbled.

0o0

Harry entered the hospital for what seemed the hundredth time that day, but he had a smile on his face. Madam Pomfrey was assisting a student who had a large boil growing on her nose. He shuddered slightly and walked to Draco's bed. Taking his seat, he saw that Draco was writing in that red notebook.

"Hey." he said, trying to make the oblivious blond aware of his presence.

"Oh hi," Draco said, quickly returning the book to his nightstand drawer. "What did the headmaster want?"

"Mostly, he wanted to address the rumors that have been rotating the school. I tried to answer his questions the best I could, but I didn't have many of the answers myself."

"What are the rumors? I can hardly imagine what the dunderheads in this school came up with," he said dryly. Harry just shrugged.

"He didn't name any, just asked for the truth. He did say that some ferocious things were being said, but that doesn't give us much to go by." Draco looked thoughtful for a moment.

"What did you tell him?" he asked, nearly sheepish. Harry smiled.

"I told him that we were friends and maybe more." Harry stopped for a second, trying to gather his wits about him. "I said that you needed someone to help you get through this and I wanted to be that person. He read between all the lines too, with that damn twinkling in his eyes the whole time." Draco looked questioningly at the brunet. "Oh, no. That is all your getting. Not unless you want to tell me what you and Snape talked about. I bet he gave you some sort of horrible lecture about befriending Potters." Again, Draco looked thoughtful.

"We mostly talked about living arrangements and contacting my mother. He did say that he was gravely disappointed in my choice of company, but he was surprised that you were here. The fact that I let you get my books for me was not lost on him. He knows how little I like people snooping through my things. He knows I must trust you." Draco looked down at the Potions manual he now held in his hand.

"So, he did not ask you about any of the rumors or that kiss on the cheek, or anything that had caused suspicion?" Harry said.

"No. Although, he did ask me if there was anything I wish to tell him. I guess after that, he wasn't going to push any farther."

"Dumbledore asked me, right out, what the nature of our relationship was." Draco's head shot up from his book. "He didn't even bring up the rumors until after I told him it was complicated." Harry saw him visibly relax at his last statement. "Draco, what is this? I've tried to put a name on it for weeks and I can't find anything. Even before the room of requirement, I couldn't write it off as just an attraction."

"I have no idea. I guess it is whatever we make it out to be." Harry mulled those words over in his head. They sat in amicable silence for a few moments; Draco pretending to read his book, Harry counting the tiles on the floor. Finally, Harry spoke.

"Draco, w- will you be my boyfriend?" he asked timidly.

Draco looked at him as though he thought he had imagined the statement. Again, they sat in silence for a moment. Harry wished he could die, while Draco thought.

Gay or not, Draco had never been in an actual relationship with a guy. The revelation had seemed too fresh. He had no trouble sharing the physical attributes with just about anyone, but he had very little experience or success with relationships.

Before Ginny, he had two girlfriends and neither lasted more than a few months. Slytherins weren't known for their faithfulness. Nott and that Ravenclaw were the only guys, other than Harry, who he had been physically intimate with at all. He looked up to meet Harry's gaze, but found that the boy was diligently staring at the ceiling. This shouldn't be that difficult a decision. Harry loved him, which was something few could honestly say, and had already shown he would be there for him no matter what. Harry knew how to kick his arse when he needed it and comfort him when he needed it. So, what was holding him back from saying yes? He got out his journal and read what he had been writing before Harry came back.

**In the Silence**

_This familiar sensation washes over me again._

_The pull of lonely tears and silent fears culminate in a cry._

_Why does the silence scare me so?_

_It is the unanswered questions I fear._

_My life flashes by before me, unaware of my pain._

_Why am I consumed by weakness,_

_and can find nothing to gain from a dream I once loved?_

_Why does the pleasure in life dissolve so much faster than the tears?_

_My heart beats for closure and acceptance, while my mind cries for retribution._

_What peace can come from hurting one you love, no matter the debt?_

_I wish for release; a time and place where I know I belong._

_One day this one scorned will smile and breathe._

_I will live and I will love, if not just to spite._

A lonely tear ran down his cheek and he looked up to find Harry staring at him. He needed to understand. If they were going to be together, Harry needed to know. Did he trust Harry enough to keep his secrets? Entry into a dormitory and a life worth of secrets are very different things. He looked into Harry's eyes. He looked so sad and scared, and he wondered how long it had been since Harry had asked his question.

"Harry," he finally said. "I want to say yes, but I need to say some things first. You need to know what happened last night. Not just with my father, but what happened before he arrived. I did something stupid and selfish. I was just so frustrated and I didn't know how to react."

"What are you talking about Draco? What did you do that could upset me?" Harry asked, looking skeptical.

"I had-, I fooled around with Nott. I know how upset you got when you only _heard_ that I had sex with him and-" Draco was cut off by Harry.

"You slept with Nott?" he asked quietly. That familiar sense of jealousy returned to the pit of his stomach.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I know we had no commitment really, but I still knew it would hurt you, and I shouldn't have done it. I just wanted to forget."

"Wanted to forget what?" Harry asked incredulously.

"That I could still feel." Harry was taken aback. A vision of what he had read in that red book came back to him and he knew he had a confession of his own to make.

"Draco, we're not done with this, but you need to know something too. When I was gathering your books, Nott and Zabini scared the hell out of me and that red one dropped to the ground open. I swear, I'm not usually one to pry. I know how it is to have no privacy and how much it hurts when people infringe upon it, but the word at the top of the page drew me in. It tore me up to think of you in that context, but the second I thought about it, it made perfect sense." Draco was already pale and looking furious from the implied act, but kept his silence until Harry finished. "That word was 'numb.' I couldn't help but read the page. I'm sorry." He looked down ashamed. It seemed like they were at a stalemate, both too angry and guilty to speak.

"I wrote that poem last year. Lucius was furious when you beat me in Quidditch for the thousandth time. Contrary to popular belief, I loved Quidditch for the game. Winning is important, yes, but not vital. I was absolutely thrilled because I had actually almost beaten you and my father literally smacked the smile off my face. He told me I was worthless and that if I couldn't even beat some half blood at a ruddy game then I shouldn't come home for Christmas, there would be nothing waiting for me there anyway. He told me that it all could have been avoided if I weren't so pathetic. I would never be good enough for him and I realized, at that moment, that all that was left in me was bitterness, guilt, and pain. I was convinced that I was to blame.

"He was right, I wasn't good enough to beat you. I hadn't practiced hard enough or paid enough attention. I had been so happy because I had actually caught up with you. That is the last time I remember enjoying a game." Draco looked up. "I didn't tell you that because I'm not mad at you, because I am, but if we are going to have any chance at what _we_ want, then we have to be honest. I slept with Nott because, for the first time since that day, I felt truly happy and it scared me shitless. I didn't just feel pleasure. I felt good. I can't describe it. Whatever it is that happens when we kiss, it just makes me happy; not just full of lust that I can't quench. That being said, I forgive you. I hope you can forgive me too." Without a word Harry launched himself at Draco and hugged him.

"Of course I forgive you. How could I not? I don't even know what to say to tell you how sorry I am." An awkward silence filled the room as the two boys sat next to each other on the bed. "If you aren't ready, you don't have to answer. I didn't know."

"I know. I think, as long as you realize what you are getting yourself into, we can try. Yes, Harry. The answer is yes."


	11. I Feel

**A/N: Hello. I know its been a bit, but I had to work quite a bit last week. Hopefully, the story will be completely reposted by the end of this week. Thats how I want it anyway. Life may or may not actually let that happen, but we shall see. Enjoy. **

**Chapter Eleven**

Harry's emotions were completely conflicted. On one hand, he was so happy his body was singing because Draco was his. On the other, he was full of sadness. Draco was his, but he was so broken. His thoughts were cut off by the portrait swinging open. It was very late, so he expected the common room to be empty, but he should have known his friends better than that. As soon as he entered the room, he spotted Ron and Hermione seated at a table. Hermione was asleep with her head on the table top and Ron faced her, running his hand through her hair as she slept. His back was to Harry and he must not have heard him come in.

"Hey mate, why are you guys still in here. You should have gone to bed ages ago." Harry said as he took a seat across from Hermione, trying to keep his voice down.

"We wanted to wait for you and make sure everything was ok."

"Thanks. Draco will be fine, eventually. I-I asked him to be my boyfriend tonight." he said nonchalantly. Ron's eyes nearly fell out of his head and a sad smile graced his features.

"What did he say?"

"Yes, but we had quite a row before that. We still have quite a few things to work through, but I know it will all be worth it."

"I still think you are mental, but if he makes you happy, which I know he does, then I can't complain. If he hurts you though," Ron got a dangerous glint in his eye at the thought. "Well, he's fair game."

"Ron, I don't know that it is going to work that way. We have already hurt each other a lot and we weren't even together yet. If he hurts me, you may have to let me handle it. I have hurt him just as much." Ron sent him a questioning gaze, but did not ask any questions. "He's got a lot of secrets and surprises. I have a feeling you aren't going to like how little I will be able to confide in you about our problems. You might have to trust that I am doing the right thing, no matter how much your brain is telling you otherwise. Can you do that?" Ron looked shocked. He was secretly wondering what Draco Malfoy was hiding, but just nodded his head. "So, what about you? You two looked awfully comfortable when I came in." Ron blushed and replaced his hand in Hermione's hair.

"I asked her to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend and she said yes." a huge smile crossed his face as he replayed the memory. Harry, however, frowned.

"Ah, they canceled the trip. Dumbledore told me today. They want to make sure that Lucius Malfoy or any other death eaters have no access to students or the castle." Ron didn't look fazed.

"That's ok. We can just hang out here, like always, but different." he smiled a goofy smile. Harry wondered if that was how he looked when he thought about Draco. He hoped so.

"I'm happy for you mate and her. You deserve each other and I say that with the utmost love and care for both of you." Ron smacked Harry's arm lightly. "Did you tell her about our conversation? I don't want to have to hide anything from her if you guys are going to be together. Although, I imagine its rotated back to her anyway since some first year saw us." Harry blushed and ducked his head into his arm.

"Yeah, she knows, but I got to tell her before she found out from anyone else, which I was grateful for. Can you imagine the tantrum she would have thrown otherwise." he shuddered, literally, at the thought.

"That probably would have been the end of both of us mate." Harry said, laughing. "Well, I'm pretty beat, so I'm going to head to bed. See you tomorrow. You might want to wake her." he placed a kiss on both of their heads and made his way up the stairs.

0o0

The next day Draco woke up to a warm body next to his once again. He smiled and shifted to meet Harry's gaze. It was still a bit awkward between the two of them. There were a lot of issues that had to be settled and a lot of unanswered questions.

"Hi." Draco said softly.

"Hi." Harry said in return. "How are you feeling?"

"Considerably better than yesterday. Hold on, what is today?" he asked confused.

"Monday." he said, looking a little worried.

"Oh. Well, then what do you want to do for the day?" Harry looked dumbfounded by the swiftness of both the subject and Draco's mood, but pondered the question.

"Since you aren't allowed out of bed it kind of limits our activity." he saw Draco's eyebrow rise. "And since Madam Pomphrey is in her office that limits us even more." He said sadly, but giving Draco a pointed look.

"Oh fine, but you are no fun." Draco said, pouting.

"Yep, that's me. The dull boy-who-lived." this goaded a genuine laugh from Draco that caught Harry by surprise. He had never heard Draco laugh before, it was rather calming. He snuggled closer to the blonde and placed his hand over his abdomen carefully. "Did she give you your pain relief potion for the morning?" Draco shrugged. "Ok, let me rephrase that, are you in pain?" Draco merely nodded his head and Harry shot out of bed to grab Madam Pomphrey. Draco could not help the smile that played on his face as he watched the black haired boy run to the matron's door. A few seconds later, he returned with a very ruffled looking Madam Pomphrey.

"Yes boy, I understand. If you would release me for two seconds, I could get this done a lot faster." immediately, Harry let go of her arm and sat on the bed next to Draco. He placed a hand on Draco's thigh and received a glare in response. As soon as Draco had his potion, Madam Pomphrey was back in her office to leave the boys their space. Once they heard her door close, Draco pounced on Harry and began kissing him. Harry nearly fell backward off the bed, but kept his balance. He placed a hand on Draco's shoulder in addition to the one his thigh. The kiss deepened and Harry pushed Draco back onto the bed so that he lay on top of him. He moved his hands up and down Draco's sides through his night shirt and snuck one under the hem. Making sure to be gentle, he traced the outline of Draco's abs and chest. When Harry felt Draco doing the same to him, he knew they needed to stop. He pulled his mouth away, but allowed Draco to continue his exploration.

"You are beautiful." Harry said softly in Draco's ear.

"Thank you." he said as his left hand brushed down Harry's right side, causing him to shutter slightly. "As are you." Draco said, placing one last kiss on his neck before removing his hands and waiting for Harry to do the same. Harry hadn't even realized his hands were still placed lightly on Draco's bare chest. Blushing lightly, he removed his hands and pulled himself off of his boyfriend with difficulty. He couldn't think of many other places he would rather be at the moment.

"Not that I'm complaining, I'm really not, but what brought that on?"

"If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you." Draco said, with a smile on his face.

"Stop acting like a girl. If I wanted to play mind games I would have stayed with Ginny." Draco could not stop his laughter from the disgruntled look on his boyfriend's face.

"Sorry, my thigh." he replied quietly. Harry looked thoughtful for a second before he placed a devilish grin on his face.

"Duly noted." Draco was not comfortable with the look in Harry's eyes and somehow he knew he would regret giving that information. Suddenly, his face fell and he turned away from Harry.

"Draco? What's wrong?" Harry asked, but he got no reply.

"Draco?" he asked again. "Draco, I can't help you if you don't talk to me. Please, let me help you." Harry pleaded. Draco slowly turned over and Harry saw tears building up in his eyes. Without a word, Draco sat up and opened his bed side drawer. He took out the red book and opened it.

"I had a dream last night. We were standing in a field covered in blood. I felt so empty and unclean, but when I tried to wipe the blood from my hands, I couldn't. Even though I was filthy, you took my hand. I noticed that you were clean, not a speck anywhere on you, but when you touched me, the blood smeared onto you as well. I tried to pull my hand away, but you wouldn't let me. I had never had such a vivid dream in my life. As soon as I woke up, I wrote it all down, but I couldn't get back to sleep. This whole entire journal is filled with poetry. It's my escape, the only thing I really allow myself to enjoy. I want you to read what I wrote. I need you to know what you are doing for me and how much I appreciate it. I could never tell you how much, but I'm hoping if you read this you will understand at least a little." He handed the journal to Harry. Slowly, he pulled the book towards him and read.

_I feel_

_As the spinning stops, the mist is cleared and you are left before me._

_Your penetrating gaze sees into my soul._

_Can you find your way through the dark, festering hole?_

_And yet I feel light accompanying a warmth._

_Is this your doing?_

_The sensations I have long forgotten reawaken within me._

_My life is your gaze and your touch._

_My livelihood rests in your arms._

_Will you love me?_

Draco watched carefully as Harry's eyes swept over the page quickly. He smiled slightly as his boyfriend's eyes grew sad, but then large as he finished the short poem. Suddenly, he felt two strong arms enveloping him in a hug.

"You know I already do." Harry said softly into the blonde's ear.

"But before I wouldn't let you. You are the only thing that makes me feel alive again. I never would have expected it, but I need you too."

"Well, you can have me. Just promise that, in return, you won't push me away. I wouldn't be able to take it. Let me show you." Harry felt Draco nod and he rested his head on the boy's shoulder. They stayed like that for quite a while, both unwilling to let go. Draco couldn't hold back any longer, he knew what needed to be said, but dreaded the impact it might have.

"Harry, no matter how much I want to love you, no matter how much I want to care, I'm going to hurt you." he said softly. Harry had little reaction, but replied quietly.

"I know." Draco's eyes grew wide. "But it will be worth it." Again, they stayed in the embrace for a long period of time. Draco was speechless.

"Thank you." was the only thing he could get his mind and mouth to coordinate. "Thank you." He felt Harry nod again.

"Ok," Harry said as he pulled away. "Enough of that. You need something to take your mind off all this rot. Fancy a game of exploding snaps or maybe chess?"

The boys alternated rounds of chess and snaps until lunch time. Both were quite surprised to see Hermione and Ron enter the hospital wing. Ron wore a frown and looked very aware of the hand that was dragging him into the room. Hermione, however, was wearing a bright smile and walked with a bounce in her step.

"Good afternoon." she said brightly. "How are you boys today?" She sat on the bed across from Draco's and Ron obediently sat next to her.

"Can we help you?" Draco asked with an air of maliciousness in his voice. Harry looked at him quizzically.

"We just came to visit." she said, nonplussed by the blonde's tone.

"Well, now you have. You can go now." Draco spat back. Hermione's face fell slightly, but she refused to show that she was affected by him.

"Draco, why are you being so rude?" Harry asked.

"I told you Harry, the first night, I can't stand your little friends. That is not going to change just because we are together. Like I said, I don't hate you. I hate your world and that certainly includes them." he turned his nose up at them and made another chess move; successfully ignoring Harry's frown.

"So, you aren't even going to make an effort to be nice, even though they have tried?" Harry asked annoyed.

"Do you see Weasley at all? Does he look happy to be here? No, he wants to be here just as little as I want him to be here. So, let him leave. You are not obligated to try and be my friend just because I am with Harry." he said to Hermione. "In fact, I would appreciate it if you didn't. We all know you wouldn't be here if it weren't for Harry. So, please leave." Hermione looked taken aback by his bluntness and, with out a word, complied with his wishes. Ron had a smile on his face now and Harry was shaking his head.

"You can be a real prick sometimes, Draco. I think she really wanted to apologize."

"Well, I didn't want her to. What else did you expect from me? You know how I feel about them. It's a damn miracle I gave you a chance. You can't expect me to be nice to them."

"Draco, look what happened when you did give me a chance. You found out that I'm not the worst person in the world. I'm not the person everyone thinks I am and I got to find out the same thing about you. Everyone wears a mask Draco. You can't take anyone at face value anymore because you never know what is underneath. I know you have a problem with Ron and he nearly skipped out of here, but you have no reason to dislike Hermione and she genuinely wants to be your friend. How many people can you say that about right now? She is an amazing person and you just hurt her a lot."

"Do you want the truth?" Draco said quietly. Harry nodded. "I have every right to dislike that girl. I know she is not a bad person and she hasn't done anything intentional to hurt me, but she has; more than you can understand." Harry looked devastated. "Every year since she stepped foot in this school, she has made my life hell. Forget Harry sodding Potter. You think my father got pissed over quidditch? Can you imagine how he would react to some mudblood besting his son in nearly all of his classes?" Slowly, when Harry said nothing, he pulled up the hem of his shirt to his left shoulder. He pointed to a particularly nasty looking scar over his second, third and fourth ribs on his left side. "In first year my father was still a governor at the school. He had access to all of the grades and records this bloody place has. At the end of the year, I was second in the class and he knew it was her. She beat me by an O over all. I was less then a point away." he dropped his shirt and laid down on the opposite side of the bed. Harry was opening and closing his mouth, trying to find the right words. "Stop trying Harry. There is nothing you can say. Just leave it." there was a long, pregnant silence. Moments later, Harry joined Draco and wrapped his arm tightly around him.

He was torn, even more so than before. He didn't dare question Draco about what his father actually did; some of him didn't want to know. He wanted desperately to defend his friend, but Draco would never see the reasoning and maybe he shouldn't have to. He'd already gone through so much. Draco had a right to stay bitter over quite a few things. Harry started to stroke the blonde's hair again. He knew Draco found it comforting and that was his only care right now; to make Draco comfortable. He would deal with Hermione and Ron later, but this made his life a lot more complicated. He didn't want to choose between his friends and Draco and he hoped he wouldn't have to. They could go about this as mature adults, well maybe not Ron, but Hermione could help him along a bit.

A/N:** Again, all poems found in this story are mine unless specified other wise. Thanks! Review! aLtO**


	12. Blind

**A/N: I'm terribly sorry I didn't even come close to reaching my goal. There are about 23 chapters to this story, so I'm half way through. I hope enjoy and there should be three more today! Enjoy.**

**Chapter Twelve**

Harry walked back to his dormitory late that night. He had spent the rest of the day doing homework and getting his arse kicked in chess. When he finally reached the portrait and stepped inside, the common room was close to empty. There were still five or six people sitting around, but Harry only just noticed them before he heard yelling.

"Did you not see him? There is no way a relationship with someone like that could be good for him. What does Mal- Black have to give him anyway? The whole thing seems one-sided to me." Hermione stopped yelling when she noticed Harry standing in the doorway. He slowly walked to their table and sat down. He nodded to Ron and turned to Hermione.

"I never expected for you to understand this. I never asked for your opinion, or your blessing. I am with Draco. Whether you like it or understand it is irrelevant." he shifted his gaze slightly to Ron, and then met Hermione's eyes again. "He needs me and I need him." Harry was about to get up when Hermione pulled him down by his arm.

"Harry, what can he possibly offer you? What makes him different? I want to understand, but after today, I can't."

"We understand each other. More importantly to you, he understands me better then anyone. I've been with him for one day and he has already grasped things about me that the two of you still can't even see. It isn't your fault. He just knows. I would greatly appreciate it if you didn't question my judgment again." Harry's face softened slightly. "Hermione, I know what he said hurt you and I'm sorry. We talked about it afterwards and while he could have been nicer… well no, he probably wouldn't. What I mean is, he has a damn good reason to not want to be near you. You never did anything intentional. Just know that he isn't being the senseless jerk we always pegged him for, ok?" Hermione nodded her head numbly. Harry stood again and walked up the stairs.

As he settled in bed, he couldn't even close his eyes, he had so many thoughts and concerns. He tossed and turned for a half hour before he sat up, frustrated.

Harry's mind was plagued by worry and thoughts he couldn't quite understand. What was he going to do once the entire school found out that he and Draco really were together? What were these rumors no one saw fit to tell him? He thought about Draco and everything they had been through in the last three days.

Suddenly, Harry remembered how Draco cleared his thoughts and analyzed his feelings. He got out of bed and opened his trunk, pulling out an old, tattered notebook. It didn't have much in it, just a few half-hearted attempts at starting a diary. It had never really worked for him before.

Harry got out his quill and ink. He sat there for five minutes before he could get one defined thought out of his mingled mess of worries. Finally, he let go, and let out his frustration in the form of words. He barely paid attention to what he was writing, but thought about all of the pressures and expectations the wizarding world held for him. He let out all of his insecurities and fear onto the page. Twenty minutes later, his eyes finally focused enough to read the words. What he found didn't surprise him, but the emotion he felt as he read it did.

_Perfect is what you wanted, what I tried to provide._

_Are you blind to the scars I no longer try to hide?_

_I'm not whole or perfect._

_Constant comparison and judgment is what I received._

_Under scrutiny of what you believed I should be._

_You must see who I am, no more blindfolds._

_No more acts to this play, there's nothing left to hold._

_See past your pain, and see mine please._

_I seem strong for you, but my heart is weak,_

_Bewildered by bitterness and answers I still seek._

He remained unaware of the tear that slid down his cheek until it met the side of his mouth. He wiped it away quickly. He realized soon after that he felt slightly better; sort of like he had one less burden he had to carry. The weight of the actual problem was still within him, but it was lighter because he understood it. It was defined. He would have to thank Draco for this later. He made sure the notebook was securely back in his trunk before falling asleep.

o0o

The next morning, Draco woke up feeling less sore. He knew two days should be plenty for him to be able to go back to classes. He wished Harry could stay with him today as well. Resolutely, he fell back onto his pillow. If there was no one to keep him company, he might as well sleep the day away. No need to waste his energy. His eyelids had just closed when he heard the door to the wing open.

"They held us off yesterday because Wonder Boy was here, but we had to see you in the flesh so we could smack you ourselves," he heard Blaise say, before he could even see the boy.

"That really wasn't necessary, guys. I'm fine and you have classes."

"How quickly you forget. We have a free period first thing on Tuesdays." Draco flinched. "Anyway, we thought we would come by and chat," Nott said. "About Potter. You made me wait for _him_? Then you send him to our room to get your things. You don't even let _us_ into your things," he added.

"Well, I trust Harry." A flash of Harry's face as he confessed to reading his journal came into view. Draco shook his head slightly. He would have to get over that eventually.

"You tru-" Blaise stopped himself short of yelling. "He is a GRYFINDOR. He is our enemy, and a git, more importantly. How could you trust him more than us?"

"That is none of your business. Is there anything else I can help you with?" Draco asked icily. He received two blank stares in return. "Ok, then. Goodbye." He was just about to lay back down when a thought crossed his mind. "Wait, you wouldn't be able to tell me about these rumors that are bound to make my life hell, would you?" Nott and Blaise shared a mischievous look.

"We would be happy to ruin your day, seeing as you are being a royal arse, as usual. I really think they should let you out now. You are just fine." Nott poked Draco in the ribs and goaded a gasp of pain and pointed stare. "Ok, maybe I was mistaken. Anyway, a lot of people are saying that your Wonder Boy has defected. Still others say the same about you and claim that you have been disowned and have taken the Black name. My personal favorite would be the threesome theory: you, Potter and Weasel caught "in the act" by Filch in a broom closet."

"I quite like that one myself," Blaise added off handedly. Draco, however, did not look amused. _Disgusted _would probably be the correct word. He looked like he might lose what little food he had been able to keep down thus far.

"WEASEL!?" Nott and Blaise actually scooted their chairs back at this point, for fear of being in firing distance. "Why would anyone think I would touch… that?" It took a moment before the two realized it was not a rhetorical question.

"Well, you were seen with Potter, and you went with Weaselette. What would stop you from having a family attraction? What about this talk of you being a Black now? Its gotten around fairly well," Blaise pointed out.

"Are you completely mental?" Draco shook his head, as though that were a stupid question. He was trying his best to skirt the last question. "Never mind. Now that you have sufficiently ruined my day, and my breakfast, you may go."

Blaise and Nott got out of their seats, and swiftly put as much distance between themselves and Draco as humanly possible in a short amount of time. Draco lay back down and thought about how shitty this day was going to be. He had absolutely nothing to do, no one to entertain him, and bloody stupid people making his life miserable.

"Welcome to Hogwarts." he said to no one.

A/N: Again, all poetry and lyrics found in this story, unless specidified other wise, are mine. Please ask if for some reason you would like to use any of it. Thanks!


	13. The Interuption

**A/N: YAY! Two more!**

**Chapter Thirteen**

Harry walked into his second class of the morning, Defense, with the Slytherins. Why the fates decided to ruin his favorite subject he would never know.

The Trio had not even made it to their seats before Pansy, Nott, and Blaise materialized before them.

"Lovely morning isn't it?" Pansy said. Her eyes dropped to Hermione and Ron's intertwined hands, and a sickening "sweet" smile graced her features. "So, Mudblood, how does it feel to know that your boyfriend shagged a Malfoy?" Hermione's eyes grew hard and she turned her nose up slightly.

"Like Ron would ever go after your leftovers," she said spitefully. If it were possible, Pansy's smile widened.

"Maybe not Weasel, but Potter certainly did." Hermione's smirk faded quickly, and was replaced with a sorrowful expression.

"Fuck off, Parkinson!" Ron shouted.

"Ah, all in a days work," she said kindly, before taking her seat.

"Watch your back, Potter, and tell your faggot boyfriend, _Black_ to watch his as well," Blaise threatened. Harry's eyes narrowed.

"So, you shagging Nott on a moment's notice doesn't matter, but my relationship with Draco makes us _faggots_? Might want to think about whom you are talking to before you make empty threats, Zabini," he said calmly.

He saw the panic rush over the black boy's features. He put up the impenetrable mask, but it was too late. Pansy was already staring at the pair. Harry smiled lightly and took a seat.

0o0

Draco woke up to find a hand lightly placed on his right one. He looked up and met those familiar green eyes. He almost smiled, but quickly noted the sadness lingering just below their surface. Harry smiled, if a bit warily, as he realized that Draco was awake.

"Hey." Harry said, as he brushed a blonde strand from Draco's grey eyes. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah, what time is it?" he asked, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

"Nearly 4:30." Harry's face fell again slightly.

"What's wrong, Harry?"

"I've just come back from Dumbledore's. They think it would be in your best interest to move out of Slytherin. You can still be a Slytherin, but not live in their dorms." Harry winced, waiting for the backlash that was sure to come. Malfoy or not, Draco was a proud Slytherin.

"Where else would I go?" he asked softly.

"Professor Snape volunteered his spare bedroom," Harry said, placing his hand over Draco's once again. He was slightly surprised when Draco's frown disappeared and was replaced with an unmistakable smile. Harry relaxed.

"So, what else?" Draco asked.

"The rumors are a bit worse then I had imagined. I had to tell off Parkinson, Nott, and Zabini today in Defense. Even the Hufflepuffs won't look at me. They think you, me and Ron-"

"Got it on in a broom closet. Yeah, Nott and Blaise told me." Harry couldn't help but smile at his boyfriend's antics. He looked absolutely sick.

"Come on, the thought of shagging me can't be that putrid," he said playfully.

"We both know I would have no problem shagging you. In fact, we may have to rectify that injustice very soon." Draco raised one pale eyebrow, but dropped it again. "It's the thought of Weasel that I can't stand. Not only, me, ugh, touching him, but him touching you." Draco lowered his head a little. "We both know he loves you, so I have every right to be jealous, considering half the school thinks that we have all shacked up together; that you-" Draco paused as he saw Harry's face. He was brandishing an incredible, playful smile. "What?"

"You are going into a jealous rant."

"And?"

"You are in a jealous rant about me and RON! I could never feel that way about him. He is more of a brother to me then even I care to admit. I promise, love, you have nothing to worry about." He squeezed his boyfriend's hand lightly. Draco blushed at his own childishness.

"Anything else? Since you have already brightened my day," he said sardonically.

"The whole school has also found out that you can no longer carry the Malfoy name. Even Nott and Blaise have turned on you," he said sadly.

"So, they figured it out. Didn't know if it would actually penetrate those thickheads. Are you sure they meant it? I mean they can be pretty mean, but they don't mean a damn word they say." Harry shook his head.

"Believe me, he meant it. He called you a faggot. He also called you Black like it was an insult. I nearly decked him, but I settled on outing the two of them. You should have seen Parkinson's face. I don't think I have had that much fun in a while," Harry finished with a smile, but his face dropped again at the pain in Draco's eyes. "Draco, they were obviously never your friends if-"

"They never were. I told you, I had no friends, merely people who put up with me because I was a Malfoy. They only cared about the power, and the wrong kind at that; but they were the closest thing I could get. I didn't even think, I didn't realize what a role they started to play in my life these last few years." He shook his head quickly and put his mask in place.

"I'm sorry."

"I really should have expected it." Harry merely shook his head and gripped Draco's hand tighter.

"It's ok, Draco. I told you I would get you through this, and I meant it."

Draco nodded his head gratefully, and pulled Harry into the bed by his hand. Harry landed unceremoniously in his lap. Draco ran his finger down the brunet's jaw line and placed a chaste kiss on his lips, causing Harry to shiver. Harry combed his fingers through the disheveled blond locks, reveling in their smoothness. He slowly became aware of a tongue grazing the shell of his ear. Harry tried to keep still and hold back his moan. He succeeded until Draco moved his ministrations to the spot right below his ear, nearly at his hairline. At that, he could not hold back any longer. Finally, Draco removed his tongue just long enough to replace it on Harry's lips. Harry opened his mouth slightly, but Draco made no attempt to enter his mouth, merely outlined Harry's lips.

The need that both of them had suppressed for the last three days broke through and set them on fire. Harry took Draco's tongue into his mouth, tired of being teased, and sucked it lightly. Draco tightened his grip on Harry's waist. He fell backward slowly, making sure his boyfriend kept balance. Harry turned lightly and lifted his leg to straddle the blond's lap. Slowly, he lowered himself so their chests met. He suddenly became very aware of the clothes separating them. It seemed a bit too much, but he did nothing to remove the offending items. Both could feel the heat rising in their skin as they rubbed against each other now and then, kissing furiously.

Harry opened his eyes and they met grey immediately. He smiled into their kiss and pulled Draco closer as the boy beneath him started to move faster. He could hardly catch his breath. Draco slowed and slid his hand up the back of Harry's shirt, feeling the expanse of smooth, creamy skin, relishing in the fire that it inspired into his fingertips. Harry moved his mouth from Draco's lips to his neck, slowly moving up and down the curve below his jaw. He felt a hand on his chest, fast moving to the waistband of his pants.

Both heard a sudden gasp, but it took a moment to register then neither of them had made it. Draco raised his head reluctantly from his boyfriend's to find his Godfather staring at them. He straightened quickly and removed his hand from the button of Harry's jeans with something akin to mourning in his eyes. Harry finally turned his head and tried to shoot off of Draco, but Draco held him to his lap.

"Yes, Severus?" he said a bit formally. It wasn't until that moment that he saw the disgust that lined his Godfather's features.

"The headmaster asked me to seek your permission to move your things to my quarters, so they will be ready for your return later this evening." His eyes were overflowing with contempt, but they softened as they met the grey of his Godson's pleading eyes. Never before had the boy looked at him in such a fashion. Of course, he had never caught Draco in such a compromising position before.

"That's fine, Severus." It was a dismissal, with out a doubt.

Reluctantly, Snape fled the hospital wing, leaving the boys in a rather uncomfortable state.

"That," Harry said with conviction, "is getting old."

"Well, he doesn't make his dislike of anything Potter a secret." Draco rationalized.

"No, I mean every time we try to do anything beyond holding hands, someone interrupts us. If it isn't some ratty-haired second year, it's Pomfrey, and now Snape; I may stop caring soon. To hell with them, I already have stopped caring about their comfort level, seeing as they have no respect for mine."

Draco looked his lover in the eye and saw that he was serious. He could have sworn Harry's tone was playful, but his eyes betrayed the lust still burning within him.

"I think I have to agree, but we should probably wait until I am discharged tonight. Madame Pomfrey would lay eggs if you bruised her precious patient further." Draco said sardonically.

"Bruised huh?" Harry raised a surprisingly elegant eyebrow and fixed his boyfriend with a wanting glare. Draco laughed. "You may have to stop doing that or I might ravish you anyway," Harry said seriously.

"Stop doing what?" Draco looked genuinely perplexed.

"That sexy laugh that you all of a sudden cannot hold within you. I haven't heard you laugh, seriously, once in the last six years; and within just the last week I've had to restrain myself numerous times because of the damned thing."

Draco smirked. "Duly noted," he said mockingly.

"Ha, ha, ha. You think you're clever?" he reached behind him and squeezed the man's upper thigh roughly, goading a loud moan from the blond. "I suggest you stop mocking me, at least until we make it to your room. _If_ we can make it to your room," he said doubtfully.

Draco merely nodded his head, not wanting to instigate the brunet any further. They settled down, lying next to each other, Harry's back flush against Draco's chest. Five minutes later, Draco could hear the steady breaths and feel the slow rise and fall of his boyfriend's chest. He followed him shortly after into sleep. He had never slept so much in such a short period of time, but he had never felt to so calm either.


	14. Lessons

**A/N: Well, this will be my third post of the day. I'm sure you guys are sick of me by now, but I hope you are liking it. Thank you to all that have reviewed. It has really meant a lot to me. Enjoy!**

**Chapter Fourteen**

Snape scowled at Harry as they made their way to the dungeons. Draco's hand was tightly clasped around Harry's waist and his thumb brushed against the hem of his boyfriend's shirt. Harry smiled back at the Potions Professor.

They came to a door that Harry had never seen before, even though he traveled this corridor nearly everyday. The quarters that lay behind the door were nothing like he had imagined. There was a living room full of incredible wooden bookcases and the most comfortable looking couch he had ever seen. There were four other doors leading off from this main room. Snape stepped towards the one farthest from the right and pointed.

"This is my bedroom. If I see either of you within a foot of this door, I will not have any reservations about hexing you. Understood?" The two boys nodded. Snape stepped to the second door and opened it. "This is the bathroom." Harry barely got a glimpse of blue before the door was closed again. Snape stepped to the third door and opened it wide. "This will be your room, Draco. Feel free to go look around. Your things have already been moved and set up as you had them in your dorms." This room was nearly as big as the dorm rooms, but then it was shared by at least three people. Harry could see Draco smiling. "The last door leads to my office. I would appreciate it if you stayed out of there as well." Draco nodded as Harry went to the bed and took a seat, still looking around the room.

"What do you think?" Draco asked.

"It's brilliant," Harry said as he fell back on the bed. Draco could not help but admire his boyfriend.

"I believe," Draco said as he lay down next to Harry. "That we have some unfinished business to attend to." With a smirk on his face, he placed a locking charm on the door and silencing spell on the room. When he turned back to Harry, he barely had time to register the lust in the brunet's eyes before he felt a body pinning him to the bed.

"I don't care if bloody Voldemort is behind that door, we will not be interrupted this time." Harry said huskily. Draco rolled them over so he was straddling Harry.

"I think it is my turn."

Draco kissed his boyfriend, and allowed his hands to roam over Harry's chest; then lightly slide under the hem of his shirt and skirt around to Harry's back. He broke the kiss and found that same spot just below the boy's ear and received the desired response. The moan that came from Harry's beautiful mouth nearly made him shiver.

Draco abandoned the flesh to take off Harry's shirt. Harry made no protests and removed Draco's shirt shortly after his own hit the floor. Draco set to covering every inch of his boyfriend's chest with feather-light kisses and licks. He had never enjoyed the simple taste of his lover so much before. Harry's fingers entwined in his hair once more as Draco moved towards his navel. Draco heard a groan and felt his head being pulled up to meet warm, flushed lips. He took this opportunity to unclasp the button on his boyfriend's pants and slowly unzip them. Before he could go any further Harry switched their positions, so that Harry was lying on top of Draco. Harry followed a very similar trail to what Draco did, but licked much more than he kissed. Draco fisted some of Harry's hair and bucked once. That tongue and the hair and slight pressure he could feel in his thigh; it was all too much.

"Fuck." he said loudly.

Harry nodded and unbuttoned Draco's slacks, sliding them off gently. No matter how much he wanted Draco, he had no idea what he was doing. He had never been with a guy before and, even though Ginny did have a reputation, they never got very far with Ron breathing down their necks. So, how do you tell the resident sex god, who happens to be your boyfriend, that you are virgin? 'He'll probably laugh at me.' Draco sensed the hesitation and looked up, meeting those green eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concern lacing his husky voice. Harry looked down, embarrassed.

"I really want this." He said slowly.

"I can tell." Draco laughed. Again, Harry had to restrain himself.

"I want this, but I've never been with anyone like this before. I- I'm a virgin and I've never done anything with a guy." Draco looked shocked and slightly proud. He lifted himself off the bed and wrapped his arms around Harry.

"That's fine. We don't have to do this right now, if you don't want. I want you to be comfortable with me. There is no pressure and when you decide you are ready, I'll help you through it. I've only been with two other guys, so there is still a lot I'm learning too."

"I don't want to wait. This is nearly all I have been able to think about for a month. I just don't want to disappoint you." He covered Draco's hands with his own.

"Harry, if earlier today was any indication, I doubt you will disappoint. You are amazing at everything you do, with the exception of chess. I don't think this will be any different." Draco placed a light kiss to Harry's temple.

"Thank you." Harry said softly.

"Now, I'm going to teach you." He pulled Harry's pants off and threw them into the growing pile. "The easiest for us is a hand job." He took Harry's hand and placed it inside the flap of his boxers. Draco bit his lip as he felt fingers shyly touch and wrap around him. "Now," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. Harry was going ahead of the lesson and moving slowly up and down, as he would to his own. "That is good."

Draco could no longer keep the pleasure from showing in his voice and let out a slight moan. This seemed to egg Harry on because he started to move faster and grip harder with every stroke. Draco gripped Harry's shoulder and leaned forward to kiss his neck. Without thinking, he moved his hand to the same position inside Harry's boxers and mirrored Harry's actions. There was a slight flinch at the first contact, but Harry quickly relaxed and allowed Draco to continue. Very soon, all thoughts of a lesson were gone. In this particular case it was quite obvious that Harry did not need it anyway. Draco came and Harry followed shortly after. They sat, gasping for breath for a moment before Draco broke the silence.

"Wow," he said softly.

"Thank you," Harry said with a bit more confidence then before.

"And you were worried."

"I still am. I said I'm a virgin. Do you know how many times a week I've wanked in the past month, not to mention the entire year? It's been horrible, but at least all that practice came in handy." Draco laughed and pulled Harry closer.

"Well, I think I can help you out from now on." he whispered into Harry's ear. The brunet felt a shiver down his spine.

"I'm thinking you're right. Anymore lessons, professor?" he asked huskily.

"Many, you ready?" Draco asked pushing Harry back onto the bed and lowered his head to hover above his boyfriend's opened boxers. Harry nodded and Draco pulled off the boxers.

o0o

Three lessons and two hours later, there was a knock at the door. The boys scrambled to locate their clothes and quickly put them on. A slightly disheveled looking Draco came face to face with Dumbledore. The old headmaster could not hide his laugh as he scanned the blond boy.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I was hoping we could chat now." Thoroughly embarrassed, Draco beckoned Harry to join him and made a few last minute improvements to his appearance. A slightly less disheveled Harry appeared in the doorway. The two blushing boys made their way to the couch and took a seat.

"Now, there are a few matters that need to be discussed. One, would be your account of the night Lucius attacked you." Draco looked over at Harry for support and received a small smile and a hand grasping his. With a slight nod he spoke.

"I was lying in my bed when the door opened. All I saw was my father's hair before I was under the Cruciatus Curse. He stopped after a few moments to chastise me for my relationship with Harry and my… um… preference. Then he said I was no son of his. I think he put me under the Cruciatus again, but I blacked out shortly after that." He felt a strong squeeze of his hand.

"Did he give any indication of how he gained entry to the castle?"

"No."

"Is there anything else of importance that you can think of?"

"No."

"Alright then, on to better things. I have spoken to Professor Snape about this arrangement and what it might mean for the two of you," he said with a twinkle in his eye. Draco suddenly understood what Harry had been ranting about. 'Damn twinkle.' "He does not have any qualms with Harry visiting you as long as you are courteous and abide by all time restrictions."

Draco silently wondered how long Dumbledore had fought with his godfather before he had "no qualms" with this. Draco nodded politely, and Dumbledore continued.

"Your mother has contacted us. She has set up a separate Gringott's account for your Black trust. You will have a limited allowance every month until graduation. After graduation, you may use the funds as you see fit. Severus has control of how much you are rewarded monthly since he is your guardian. Any questions?"

"No, I think everything is clear." Draco said.

"Good, there is just one last thing. I assume you are now in a relationship." He said this while gesturing to the intertwined fingers. Both boys nodded. "If that is the case, I need to ask a very uncomfortable question. Draco, do you believe in Lord Voldemort's goals?"

Harry's eyes shot up to his mentor's. They were the most serious he had seen them in days. Harry then looked at Draco. They had talked about this, but only briefly. As soon as Draco had proven he was not a death eater, and that he intended to stay neutral, Harry had seen no reason to pry into his ideals. There were so many other things they had to worry about first.

Draco took a moment to gather his thoughts. "I believe that right now blood has little to do with ability, but I think that diluting the wizarding world with Muggle blood will have an adverse affect on our community. I think there is a better solution to the problem, but I understand it. The problem with the Dark Lord's goals is they shift every few years. You never know what his next vendetta will be; killing Muggleborns, Muggles, or an eleven year old boy. He's lost sight of everything he started for. No matter how many times I call Granger a Mudblood, I don't think of them as a threat. In theory, their blood is as pure, magically, as mine. I believe the real threat lies in the half bloods and below. I know that, with so few true pureblood families left, there is no way to rid our world of Muggle blood, but eventually the mixing of the worlds will show more squibs being born and a general decline in magical ability over time. So, to answer your question, I don't believe in his means to an end, but I don't believe in your goals either. I want the Dark Lord dead because he's insane, but I won't fight for your cause for any other reason. Oh, and the fact that he wants my boyfriend dead probably shifts my alliance a bit as well." Both Harry and Dumbledore stared at the blond for a few seconds before Harry and Draco shifted their gaze to look at the headmaster expectantly.

"Well," Dumbledore came out of his haze. "I suppose that is acceptable, though not ideal. I do not wish for you to fight in this war Draco, but you have information that may be invaluable to us."

"Headmaster, with all due respect, I can't stay neutral now. I won't let Harry go to battle without me. You must understand." Draco said pleadingly.

"I do understand, but you could be much more valuable to the Order if you do not seem to have an alliance with us. I know you wish to protect Harry, but this is for the greater good." Draco's eyes narrowed. He had tried to be polite, even offered his service to a cause he blatantly did not agree with and this old man threw it back in his face.

"I am not yours to manipulate. I wish to help, but you must trust my judgment if you want me on your side at all. You may have Harry under your thumb, but I refuse to break free of one master only to be lead to another. Remember that I do not believe in your "greater good". I wish to protect Harry and that is all."

Dumbledore seemed lost in thought for a moment and Harry was just staring at his boyfriend in awe. He had dreamed of saying most of those things for two years. Sure, Harry cared about the people he needed to save, and killing Voldemort was his destiny; but no one could miss Dumbeldore's manipulations of his feelings and actions, and his life. In fact, he was trying to do it right now.

"Headmaster, no matter what you are about to say, I will not leave Draco." Dumbledore's eyes grew wide, but he said nothing. Finally, nodding his head, the old man stood.

"I would not ask that of you, Harry. Good-night boys," he said, and left swiftly without waiting for a response. As soon as the door closed, Harry felt strong arms around his waist.

"Thank you," he heard Draco say.

"For what? I barely said anything. I should have defended you more."

"Believe me Harry, you said more than enough." Draco placed a kiss on the top of Harry's head. "Come on, we still have an hour before curfew."

Harry allowed himself to be led back to Draco's room. Instead of heading to the bed, Harry went for his school bag.

"I wanted to thank you too. Last night I couldn't sleep- there was just too much going on. I thought about your journal and how you vent your feelings. I decided to try it, and it really worked. As soon as I put my book away, I fell asleep. But it's more than that. I felt so much better after writing it, like something had been lifted off of me." Draco nodded.

"It is a great feeling. No one else may ever understand the true meaning of what you write, but its there. It's tangible and real."

"W-would you like to read it? It really only seems fair, since I've read so many of yours." Draco nodded again and Harry pulled out a black, leather bound book. "It's on the fifth page."

Harry watched as grey eyes swept over the page.

_Perfect is what you wanted, what I tried to provide._

_Are you blind to the scars I no longer try to hide?_

_I'm not whole or perfect._

_Constant comparison and judgment is what I received._

_Under scrutiny of what you believed I should be._

_You must see who I am, no more blindfolds._

_No more acts to this play, there's nothing left to hold._

_See past your pain and see mine please._

_I seem strong for you, but my heart is weak,_

_Bewildered by bitterness and answers I still seek._

"Who is this directed towards?" Draco asked as he finished the poem. Harry had to think for a moment.

"Everyone; my friends, the Weasleys, Dumbledore, the professors, the school, the wizarding world. Everyone who thinks they know me." Draco took Harry's hand in his.

"This is very good and I'm truly glad that I could help." Harry leaned in and kissed him softly. Draco ended the kiss and walked towards his desk. He came back with the little red journal.

"Draco, you know you don't have to share them with me. I'm flattered that you trust me that much, but I don't want you to feel obligated to."

"I don't feel obligated. You see, I thought that merely writing these thoughts down would be enough, but after you read Numb and I got to confide in you the meaning, I realized that I still need to talk about them. I've avoided it too long as it is." He opened the notebook to the last page written on. "I wrote this last night." Draco handed Harry the notebook and watched him read.

_**Selfish**_

_Is it you that I see?_

_Is it your voice in my dreams?_

_Take my pain, take my tears._

_They were always yours anyway._

_Your eyes persecute me._

_Like the sea, your judgment suffocates me._

_Can you see this hole in my heart?_

_Your selfishness is ripping me apart._

_In the dark, one light shines through._

_Take them while you can._

_They will never be yours again._

As Harry finished reading, Draco moved closer.

"Have you noticed that in the last five days my poems have changed? No matter how they start, they end with hope. I didn't even realize it until I went back through them. What Dumbledore said tonight, it made me think. You are my hope, but you are the hope of so many others as well. I don't want us to get in the way of what you are destined to do. I want to stand by you, but not at the cost of lives."

"I understand. I don't think our relationship will cost anyone their lives, except maybe us, but I've known I would die anyway." Harry looked up as he felt a hand lay on his shoulder.

"Harry, you can beat him. I know you can. I don't think anyone has seen the full strength of your power yet. I know how much you hide, but I can help you there too. We can train together. I don't think there is much more time left though. It's nearly Christmas." he pulled Harry closer to him and kissed him. "We will get through this." He felt Harry nod. "Now, you probably do need to leave. It's nearly quarter til." Harry grabbed his stuff and Draco walked him to the hall.

"Good night Harry. I will see you tomorrow at breakfast. I may be sitting at your table, depending upon how Blaise, Pansy, and Nott feel."

"Ok, goodnight." Harry kissed him lightly and left down the corridor.


	15. The Kiss

**A/N: Well, thats it for now. School started for me today, so I don't know how frequent my updates will be, but I will try. Enjoy!**

**Chapter Fifteen**

The next day Harry went to the great hall for breakfast. As promised, Draco was sitting across from his usual seat. Harry sat next to him.

"I was hoping you wouldn't have to sit here," he said sadly.

"Well, if you don't want me here then-" he started to get up.

"Don't you dare," Harry said with a smile. Draco took his seat again. "I just thought that maybe your class mates would tolerate your presence."

"Pansy headed me off before I even got there. I'm not welcome."

Suddenly, Harry realized that the entire hall had gone quiet. The two boys looked at each other and nodded their heads resolutely. Harry leaned forward and engaged Draco in a sickeningly sweet, yet sensual, kiss. Half the hall could hear the moan Draco emitted, and gasped. As Harry broke off the kiss, he caught site of Ron seated in front of them. He looked conflicted. Harry could tell Ron was happy for him, but he was bitter all the same.

Draco distanced himself from Harry for a moment, then placed his arm lazily around the other boy's waist. He looked around and saw the many pairs of eyes still staring. Standing and taking Harry completely by surprise, he started to yell.

"Just so all of you nosy sods get this right; I would like to clarify a few things. First, to put all of these rumors at rest, Harry and I are together; however, Mr. Weasley was never, and will never, be a part of it." There was a slight murmur echoing through the room, and Draco raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Harry has not defected in any way, shape, or form. Second, I am now Draco _Black_. Any who have a problem with that should promptly fu-" Draco stopped, catching Dumbledore's happy, but cautionary eyes. "And third, I am no longer a member of Slytherin. I do not live in the dorms and want no one to associate me with the Snakes from this day forward. Thank you." Furious whispers erupted as soon as the blond sat down, and Draco turned bright red. Harry had never seen him that particular shade before.

"Get carried away?" Harry asked slyly.

"Just a bit, but it got the job done," Draco sighed. "I should go talk to the headmaster now and make arrangements. Meet me after your first class. You have a free period then, right?"

"Yeah, should we meet in your room or the room of requirement?"

"I'd say my room. See you later." Draco kissed Harry's cheek quickly and ran to the staff table, dodging vicious looks from the Slytherins.

"He's mad, that one." Harry heard Ron say to Hermione. Harry could do nothing but shake his head.

0o0

Harry entered Draco's room and found it empty. He sat on the bed and laid down. There were so many things going through his head. He was happy to have everything out in the open, but why should he have to air his life out in front of the school just to sate some ridiculous rumor? Who's business was it if he wanted to be with Draco?

Harry thought back through the four days. It was hard to believe that was really all it had been, but even before that, some part of him knew that Draco was special. Harry's admission to Ron and himself, and even Draco, that he was gay had been hasty, but true. With everything that happened shortly after, he had not been able to confide in anyone his revelation. Harry knew the possibilities of being bi, but after thinking it over, he realized that he had never wanted a girl physically. Ginny and Cho were both great girls with extroverted personalities that had easily caught his eye, but he had never felt the need to touch them or kiss them. With the exception of his first kiss with Ginny, he had never initiated any contact with a girl.

Everything with Draco was so different. Harry felt like he needed to touch every possible inch of Draco nearly every time they were in the same room together. He dreamed of him, but it wasn't just physical either. This new vulnerable, shy Draco was incredible to him. Silently, Harry thought of the only time he had confessed his love for Draco. Again, he had been hasty, but things were becoming clear so quickly. He could hardly make up or down of it.

0o0

Draco walked into his room and saw Harry, seemingly asleep, on his bed. Slowly, he inched closer and laid down behind him. He placed a chase kiss to his boyfriend's neck and snuggled into his shoulder.

"What did Dumbledore say?" Harry asked, surprising Draco.

"He said that I could technically be without house while still attending most of the same classes. My schedule may have to change slightly, but nothing too outrageous. What about you? How was Herbology?"

"Same old, same old. The Ravenclaws and Hermione make it damn near impossible to ask simple questions and I was getting either approving or nasty looks from everyone. Ravenclaws seem to think highly of you, now that you have dropped the Slytherin title, but Gryffindors don't like the idea of you being with me. Frankly, I don't care what they think, but half way through the period, all of the staring was getting bloody annoying." Harry felt a hand rubbing his lower back, soothing his tense muscles.

"It's ok. Eventually, something will happen and our affairs will not be front page news."

"Draco, the only time people stop talking about things that happen to me is when something equally as scandalous or bad happens _to me_. I just wish I didn't have to answer to the masses for once. Why can't I just have a normal relationship? I wonder how many of them would willingly air their personal life to the entire great hall." Harry's tone was merging on bitter now and Draco stopped rubbing his back.

"Do you regret telling everyone? Would you have rather the rumors run ramped and see what happened afterward?" Draco didn't sound hurt, just surprised.

"No, the fact that the rumors exist at all is my gripe. Why would they CARE if I had a threesome with my worst enemy and my best friend? Why do they insist on making my life their number one priority? It just doesn't seem fair. I've already got enough pressure on me. Do you think they could let me have at least ONE aspect of my life that isn't under someone else's control?" Harry let a single tear fall down his cheek. Draco quickly realized that they had stopped talking about the school at large or even their relationship. This issue was bigger then Draco had thought and the school's behavior was not helping.

"Harry, remember what we talked about last night, about hope?" Harry nodded. "Well, the fact that you are alive and able to have scandals, and live what they believe is a normal life, is all a part of that. Every breath that you take is a reminder to them that everything just might be ok. I admit that they could be a little less suffocating, but sometimes you have to see it from our point of view," Draco said.

"But I never asked to be anyone's hope or hero. I just want to live, like everyone else."

"Harry, everyone who cares already knows that. You have done more than anyone has expected, I'm sure. I don't know how I would react to the burden that you have to carry, but I trust you and so does everyone else. The decisions you have made in the past lead everyone to believe they can depend on you to always do what is right and noble. Somehow, that always ends in another battle with the Dark Lord and more "luck", as you put it."

Harry was growing more and more uncomfortable with the topic, so he decided to change the subject. "How did you know? What happened when you figured out that you're gay?" Draco, again, stopped his circles on Harry's back.

"I was going out with Ginny, and a bloke from Ravenclaw, James Rhinhardt, was partnered with me in Ancient Runes. We had this huge tablet to decipher. I caught him staring at me more than once, but brushed it off. I'd known for a while that I wasn't straight. Nott and I had fooled around a bit in Fourth year, but we stopped once I started dating girls. I was still under the impression that I would have to marry some lovely pureblood witch someday and have at least one heir.

"Well, James did everything to flirt with me without being obvious. We brushed hands and he put his hand on my shoulder when we were hunched over the tablet. I was going to act like none of it happened, but since I did not protest any of his gestures, he put his hand on my knee. I lost my cool for two seconds and blushed. I guess that was all he needed. He pursued me for nearly a week before he cornered me in a clear hallway. We only kissed and touched here and there, but my reactions were nothing like they were with Ginny. I hadn't even touched Nott in two years, so I had nothing to compare to. I realized then that I definitely preferred the touch of a man. He dragged me to an empty classroom and we had sex.

"One week later I broke up with Ginny and told her I was gay, which was the closest explanation to the truth. I talked to Nott again and he agreed to meet up later that week, but every time we tried, something would come up. Then we had our confrontation in the corridor, and any doubt I had that my statement to Ginny had not been the full truth was gone. When Nott and I finally got a chance, I was still thinking about our experience in the room of requirement and the corridor. It just didn't feel right to touch Nott, but wish it were you." Draco pulled Harry to him and hugged him.

"So, you didn't really know for sure too long before I did." Harry turned in his arms and laced his fingers through Draco's hair.

"No, not really." Harry smiled and nuzzled into Draco's chest. "Does that make a difference?"

"Well, yes. I don't feel as incompetent and blind as I did before. Here I was, seventeen years old and _just _figuring out who I was. It's nice to know that I'm not alone."

"Harry." Draco whispered before he kissed Harry. They both had classes soon, so doing anything too serious was not an option, but Harry deepened the kiss.

0o0

In the Slytherin common room, three people sat on the couches.

"How _dare_ he?" Pansy screamed. "We have done everything Draco ever asked of us. We tried to be his friends. We went above and beyond what our parents called us to do and this is how he repays us; by shacking up with the Golden Boy and _shunning_ the house of Slytherin! He must have lost what little sense he had if he thinks that he is done with us." Blaise rested a comforting hand on Pansy's shoulder, but she quickly shrugged it off. "And you two have a lot of explaining to do. Is what Potter said about you two being lovers true?" she didn't look disgusted per se, just curious, and slightly hurt. Blaise looked at Nott, who nodded.

"Yes, but only recently," Blaise said quickly.

"So, you weren't fooling around two months ago?" she gave Blaise a pointed look.

"No!" he nearly screamed. "Pansy, if you had showed any sign in actually wanting to be with me and not just a quick shag, then I wouldn't be sleeping with him at all."

Pansy smiled lightly, but said nothing to answer his question. "Well then, back to the point. We need to remind Draco of who he is messing with, and that Slytherin loyalty goes both ways." Pansy scooted closer to Blaise, and Nott snarled at her.

"Any suggestions?" Pansy asked Nott.

0o0

Ron and Hermione sat in their common room, enjoying their hour off. Hermione had her feet tucked under her and a book resting on her lap. Ron held her hand and played Seamus in a game of chess. Seamus groaned as Ron said "checkmate" for the second time in twenty minutes. While Seamus packed up the board and left to stash it in their room, Ron took advantage of the time to distract Hermione. He kissed her softly on the neck, and slowly moved up her jaw to her lips.

"Ron, people might see," she said, as she broke the kiss.

"I don't care," Ron said as though it were obvious. He kissed her again, but she pulled away.

"Ron, not right now," she looked back down at her book. Ron groaned inwardly. He loved Hermione, but sometimes, just sometimes, he missed Harry. That one kiss was like chocolate to him- you can't have just one bite; but Draco made a second nearly impossible. As though she could read his thoughts, Hermione spoke.

"Do you still think about Harry?"

"Of course I think about Harry. He's my best friend," he knew what she was implying, but refused to answer unless she said it directly.

"Do you still love him?" Ron bit his lip. He wanted to be honest, but how do you confess to your girlfriend that you still love someone else?

"Yes. I suspect I always will." he said softly. Strangely, Hermione's grip on his hand only tightened.

"You don't have to be scared to admit that to me, Ron. I know how you feel about him, but I also have a good idea about how you feel about me." She smiled as she said this. "I don't feel threatened by it and I won't hold it against you. Just don't hurt me, Ron."

Could she have read his thoughts? Did she know that he was thinking of kissing Harry not two minutes ago? He nodded his head and kissed her again for reassurance. She took it and went back to her book.

0o0

Later that night, Harry walked through the castle to dinner, hand in hand with Draco. They received the usual glares and some looks of sympathy.

They had plans to go to the room of requirement after dinner to practice. They put in two hours three nights a week to train. The problem was that Quidditch practices started in a week. The first game, Gyffindor vs. Slytherin, was by far the most popular, and was set for the end of the month. Draco was, obviously, not the opposing seeker any more, so Gryffindor had even better odds then usual.

They walked into the great hall, and headed towards the Gryffindor table.

0o0

Weeks went by and the school grew more comfortable with the two former rivals showing signs of public affection. The Quidditch match was that day, and Harry could not be more confident. The replacement seeker for Slytherin was some fourth year, and a sixth year took place as captain. Harry had seen them practice and was confident that his team could beat them, if not make them cry.

Just as he had assumed, the beaters were weaker than last year, and the chasers were quite off beat from each other. As usual, Ron wasn't at his best in the beginning of the game, so he let in a few early goals. He had to warm up his confidence with a few decent catches before he was up to par. Still. Gryffindor beat the Slytherins 230 to 40, and the game was over in a short forty-five minutes.

Harry was changing when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned, expecting to see Draco, but saw Ron instead. He was blushing like mad, but pushed Harry up against the lockers. Ron kissed him, sliding his tongue into Harry's mouth as he gasped in surprise. One freckled hand traveled down Harry's chest and grazed his exposed inner thigh. Harry shivered, but broke the kiss. He did not know what to think. That was nothing like the sweet, loving kiss he had shared with Ron before, and Ron hadn't touched him last time. Harry willed his arousal to subside, but his body was not complying. Ron smirked and kissed him again. This time, Harry broke it quickly and side stepped his best friend.

"What are you-" Harry was caught off guard by a flash of blond hair in his peripheral vision. Slowly, he turned his head and saw Draco's hurt exression for just a moment, before he ran out of the locker rooms.

"Fuck. Ron, what were you thinking? Get out of my way." He pushed Ron onto the bench so he could get to his locker.

As soon as he was dressed, he ran out of the locker room and searched the grounds for Draco. The whole time, he tried to make sense of it all. Ron was not the type to not think of consequences. He must have known that this would change everything. Harry had been under the impression that Ron was quite happy with Hermione. Could he have grown that out of touch with his best friend in the last month? He had been spending a lot of time with Draco. But what had possessed him to do that? Did he think he would leave Draco?

Harry walked back to the castle right as dinner was starting. He peaked into the great hall and saw Ron and Hermione eating dinner. Ron acted as though he hadn't just cheated on her. Ron's arm was around her waist and she had her hand on his knee. Harry suddenly felt sickened. Hermione was a part of the equation his brain had not fully comprehended a moment ago, but here it was staring him in the face.

Harry left the Hall and went to check Draco's rooms. He made it to where the door should have been, but it was not there. He knew there was a spell on it, but he had never had trouble like this before. Harry hit his head hard against the expanse of stone that lay where the door should have been. He repeated this action twice before he settled on his final option: the room of requirement. He and Draco had spent hours in there studying, practicing, fooling around. They could get whatever they needed, so it was by far the most convenient and most private place at their disposal.

Harry entered the corridor and saw that the door was already there, which meant that someone already occupied it. He prayed that Draco would let him in. He tried the handle, but it didn't budge. He prayed that it was Draco in there and not the headmaster or a teacher.

"Draco?" but no answer came.

"Draco, please open the door. I need to explain, or at least talk about this." The door swung open and Harry came face to face with a very angry Draco.

"Explain? Talk about what, Harry? You said I had no reason to worry because he was like your brother." Draco turned and went back into the room, but left the door open. Harry followed him and shut the door.

"Draco, I meant all of that. He is like my brother, and I had no control over him kissing me."

A flash of anger ran through Draco's stormy eyes. "No matter who initiated it, you did not make him stop and you willingly participated. Don't lie and say it didn't mean anything or that it was a _natural reaction_. I don't want to hear it."

Draco sat on a couch, and Harry slowly realized that the room looked exactly like it did the night he had first really talked to Draco. Harry sat on his couch and tried to hold eye contact with Draco.

"I can't change what happened and I'm sorry that I did it. I don't know what else you want me to say." Harry rested his head in his hands and brought his feet up under him.

"Nothing. There is nothing you can say. Just- just leave. I need to think." Harry stood and watched Draco for a moment.

"I love you," he said as he left. He knew Draco could hear him and prayed that he believed him. He had not said that aloud since he had first admitted it to Draco.

0o0

Draco sat alone for nearly twenty minutes. He was distracted from his thinking when the door opened again. He turned to tell Harry off, but caught his words as the headmaster sat across from him.

"Severus called upon me to speak to you. He is worried." Judging by Draco's appearance, he had every right. The boy's clothes were wrinkled and his face blotchy from crying. "What happened? Why did you ask Severus to change his wards?"

"With all due respect, sir, that really isn't any of your business." Draco tried to keep his tone even and polite.

"I'm sorry Draco, but Harry's mental state is my business. I need to know if he is weakened or if he needs assistance. I know you understand that."

Draco sat up. "I think we might break up. I don't want to, but my trust in him took a pretty big blow today." Draco took in Dumbledore's reaction. His face stayed quite impassive as he spoke.

"We both know what that could do to him. He cares about you, but I have not made my opinion on your relationship and your position in this war a secret. I don't believe that you are what is best for him right now or vice versa. You both have too much responsibility and pain to contend with. He will be alone in that final moment, no matter what you do to try and stop that. Voldemort will not make the same mistake twice and he stopped underestimating Harry long ago. No matter where you are when that battle occurs, it will not be beside him. You can help him train and you can give him support, but you have no choice in your role." Dumbledore surveyed Draco's reaction to this news. He seemed to be taking it quite well; or perhaps he was already too distraught to show any difference.

"I won't let him down, too." Draco actually let one tear fall down his cheek.

"Draco, I wish there was another option, but it would only put both of you in more danger. If you wish to help Harry, you will stay here. You have already aided in many arrests and that has earned the respect of the community and the Order." Draco nodded his head resolutely.

"I will think about it Headmaster. For now, I'm going to go to bed. Good night, sir." he left the room and walked slowly to the dungeons.

0o0

Harry walked into the tower and ran to his dormitory. His tears were pretty steady now and he wanted nothing more than to go to bed. He didn't even bother changing his clothes, he just took off his pants and button-down shirt and climbed under the covers. He heard the door close, and pulled his hangings closed.

"Harry?" he heard Ron say. Harry stayed silent, though it took every ounce of will power he possessed. "Are you in here?" Ron pulled back the hangings on Harry's bed and sat next to him.

"What happened? Are you ok?" Ron put a soothing hand on Harry's arm, but Harry moved quickly away from the touch.

"You've got a lot of nerve, Ron. Get the fuck away from me!" Harry turned over and tried to will the other boy away.

"Harry, what are you talking about? What did I do?" Ron sounded genuinely confused, and Harry could do nothing but turn over again and glare.

"Fuck, Ron what did you think would happen? You can't just kiss someone and not expect repercussions. Especially when that person is involved with someone else. You are lucky I haven't told Hermione." Harry was screaming and neither of them heard the door creak shut again, but they could not miss the gasp. They both turned to see Hermione. Ron looked worried.

"Hermione, I think there is something wrong with Harry."

"You better pray there is something wrong with him Ronald Weasley. If anything he just said is true, we will be having a very serious talk, understood?" Ron nodded weakly as she sat next to him.

"What happened Harry?" she asked softly.

"Ron kissed me after the match today, and Draco saw, and refuses to talk to me!"

Hermione blanched and turned to Ron, trying to stay objective in the matter of her boyfriend's infidelity. "Well, Ron."

Ron had an astonished look on his face and was opening and closing his mouth slowly.

"I don't know what he is talking about. I never kissed him. I left early from the lockers to find Ginny." he said defensively, his Weasley temper starting to show.

"Did you find her? Can she say for sure that it could not have been you?" Hermione asked heatedly.

"Yeah, it took me a few minutes, mind, but I found her by the lake." Now Ron was looking pleadingly between his girlfriend and his best friend. Hermione turned to Harry.

"Do you have any reason to believe that person was not Ron?" Harry started to shake his head, but started to remember all of the subtle differences that he had chalked up to hormones before. He stopped his movement and looked questioningly at Ron.

"It was different. The first time we, uh, kissed it was slow and sweet." Harry said softly. "This time, he pushed me against the locker and, I don't know, it was just different." Harry blushed, recalling his reaction to the differences.

"That doesn't sound like Ron at all." Hermione pondered and looked again at Ron. "I am going to go find Ginny, both of you stay here."

0o0

Draco slumped into his bed and toed his shoes off. He felt drained in everyway possible. He wanted nothing more then to disappear, but everything the headmaster said was fresh in his mind. Was all of that true? His unwavering trust in the boy who lived plummeted. He obviously didn't know Harry as well as he thought he did, if he misjudged his character so completely. Draco turned over and tried to sleep, but knew he would not succeed.

0o0

Hermione returned with a worried red head attached to her arm. "What happened?" Ginny asked quickly. Harry explained again.

"He was with me almost fifteen minutes after the match ended and he walked all the way to the lake. I doubt it could have been him, but how else could that have happened?" The Golden Trio all shared identical glances and thought the exact same thing: Polyjuice Potion.

"How many times is that thing going to bite me in the ass?" Harry said loudly and made Ginny jump. She looked at him strangely.

"Polyjuice Potion, Gin." A sudden look of comprehension graced her features.

"But who would want you to think that Ron kissed you?" Ginny asked.

"Quite a few people, unfortunately. Anyone who doesn't want me with Draco and heard the rumors of our kiss." All four nodded, but agreed that there was little to be done that night, so they went off to bed. Harry knew he would get little sleep, but tried.

0o0

Draco woke the next morning and groaned. He had no desire to face the school, or Weasley or Granger, and least of all Harry. Sometime between conscious thought and restless sleep, Draco had decided that breaking up was the best option, at least until the trust had been rebuilt- if it could be. Draco groaned yet again and got out of bed.

0o0

In the tower, Harry was having a similar morning, but resolutely decided that, no matter what it took, he would make Draco understand that it wasn't Ron.

He walked into the great hall for breakfast and noticed Draco on the very end of the Slytherin table. Harry made his way to the table, aware of the stares that followed him.

"Draco?" he said as soon as he was within earshot. Draco's head did not move and Harry sat next to him.

Yes, Harry Potter was seated at the Slytherin table pleading with Draco Malfoy.

"Draco, please listen to me. It wasn't Ron." That caught the blonde's attention, but his eyes did not soften at all. Harry took that as a sign to continue. "He was with Ginny when all that happened. There is no way it was him. We think someone used Polyjuice Potion to look like him, and try to break us up." Harry was praying to whatever deity existed that they had not succeeded.

"It doesn't change what happened Harry. Granted, I had been worried about Weasel, and trusted you to tell me the truth, but you thought it was him. In reality, I don't care if it was Weasel or not, you still reacted the same way. It doesn't change a damn thing." Draco was still furious and obviously hurt. Harry took a chance and moved his head to Draco's shoulder.

"I am so sorry, Draco. Please forgive me. Please."

"I can forgive you Harry, but I still think we should break up." There was a pause, then without a word, Harry stood and left the great hall. He hoped Draco would follow him. He had no desire to finish this conversation in front of the entire school. Draco had followed him and they walked into the courtyard.

"Why?" Harry asked pleadingly.

"I can't trust you right now, Harry, and that was one of the biggest things we had going for us. I trusted you more than I have ever allowed myself to trust before, and you trampled on it. It will take some time and I still want to be friends, but for now, I'm breaking up with you." Draco let a tear fall down his cheek, but wiped it away quickly before he started to walk back towards the castle. He felt Harry's hand on his shoulder, and felt an unmistakable sense of déjà vu. This time he turned willingly.

"I love you, Draco." he brushed his thumb over Draco's left cheek. "I love you and I will do anything to reinstate your confidence in me. I will get you back." Harry kissed Draco softly and walked back into the school.


	16. Just A Bit of Brandy

**A/N: I know, I'm horrible. Anyway, I have two chapters for you today, so hopefully that will make up for my lack of update. Enjoy! aLtO**

**Chapter Sixteen**

Draco walked slowly back to the castle. So many things were running through his head. Now that he and Harry were merely friends, who did he have to lean on? He could still count on Harry to a point, but not like he used to be able to. He couldn't get the image out of his head, that one moment when he realized that Harry was kissing "Ron" back. How could he allow himself to get so attached?

He suddenly found himself in front of his door. He couldn't even remember walking back through the entrance hall. He began to walk toward his bedroom, but caught sight of his godfather sitting on the couch with a brandy in his hand.

"What's wrong?" Draco asked as he sat next to him.

"Nothing," Severus said dismissively.

"Severus, you never drink, not even during holiday." Draco pointed to the glass. Severus grunted unintelligibly.

"I have every right to a drink tonight, unless you would rather I spontaneously combust," he said sardonically.

"No, I'm just worried about why." Draco looked concerned now, all thoughts of raven-haired, green-eyed boys quickly dissolving. Severus glanced over his shoulder, then nodded his head.

"Albus is driving me mad. He will be the death of me if he does not keep to himself." Upon seeing the questioning look on his godson's face, he elaborated. "First, did you really break up with Potter?" Severus looked completely conflicted while saying this statement. Part of him was obviously overjoyed at the prospect, but the other part looked saddened.

"Yes. I caught him snogging something resembling a Weasley in the locker rooms." Draco could not hide the disgusted look on his face, and Severus actually laughed aloud. Draco raised an eyebrow and Severus only laughed harder. "I'm so glad that my pain causes you so much joy, but I think I'll let you drown in that stuff now." He pointed at the glass and made to get up. Severus put a hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry, Draco. If I had a pensieve you would understand. Your face was… I had a flash back to when you were five and first recognized your parents kissing for what it was." Draco sat back down with a small smile on his face.

"Why do you care if I broke up with Harry? I thought you hated us being together."

"At first I did, but he did something to you. I've been watching you disintegrate for years. I knew that you would never be your father, but your coldness still scared me. You are so much better than he is and capable of so much more. The first time I saw you happy, or even smiling, in nearly two years was in the arms of a Potter. As you can imagine, I was distraught, but you were happy."

Draco just nodded his head. He could not refute any of what was just said, and quickly changed the subject. "So, why the drink? What did our meddling headmaster get into this time?"

"Your happiness. Stupid old coot couldn't get his head out of his arse for a second to see what was going on before him. He's completely bonkers."

Draco thought for a second and then wondered if this was his godfather's first brandy.

"No matter how much it pains me to say this, Potter is powerful. If he learned how to control himself and found a way to harness all that power, he could save us all and live to tell the tale. The headmaster does not see it that way. He loves Potter, like a grandchild. He dotes on him and wishes him best, but Potter is first and foremost a tool. No, he is _the_ tool. It's sad because his mentor did the same thing to him.

"Everyone knew Albus was destined to vanquish Grindelwald, but his mentor, Quirion, did not believe in his abilities. He took it upon himself to mold Albus into the person who could accomplish what needed to be done. Quirion had his best friend murdered moments before that legendary battle. They say that was Albus' beginning. So many thought it would be his end, but look at everything he has accomplished since. When Albus found out what his mentor had done, he nodded his head and walked away. No one knows what he thought or felt in that moment, but it is said that he was never the same. Apparently, he feels that his mentor had it right and that one change in his surroundings gave him the courage and will power to do what needed to be done.

"I - I'm telling you this because Albus has taken this to a whole new level. I know Potter acted on his own accord, but Albus had his hand in it as well. He has gone too far and refuses to listen to reason. He is convinced that his actions are for the 'greater good,' because if Potter goes through heartache and strife, he will be easier to control and have more to fight for. When you have so little, you hold on to the things you do have more fiercely. Albus is counting on that." Suddenly, Severus stopped and stared at his cup intently.

"He told me no matter what I did, Harry would be alone. I wouldn't be able to fight with him in the end, no matter how much I wanted to, that the Dark Lord would make sure of it. He said that we both had too much responsibility and pain to have a proper relationship right now anyway. If I can't trust him with something as small as keeping his hands off other guys, how can I trust him with my life or my heart?" Draco realized that he was crying. "Dumbledore was playing with me, wasn't he? How much of this was his doing?" Draco looked furious.

"More than I am allowed to admit. He ordered me to allow the Slytherins to break into my stores. They are the ones who produced the Polyjuiced Weasely. It wasn't very difficult to figure out their plan. Now, I just know for sure. If I am not mistaken, given the conversation I heard while in my stores, it was Nott who transformed. I don't know if that changes anything with you and Potter, but don't let that horrible, blind old man control your life. Don't let him take it away." Severus' eyes darkened momentarily. "Fight for what you love, Draco." He patted his Godson's knee lightly and stumbled to his rooms.

"That was definitely not his first brandy." Draco said to himself.

He sat and let all of the information he was just given sink in. It changed so much, but so little at the same time. He had answers, but even if he acted on his impulses, the headmaster would surely find a way to ruin it. So, what were his options? How could he outsmart that old fool without drawing attention to himself? Did this change his situation with Harry? Should he tell Harry? With all of these questions in mind, he walked into his own room and changed for bed.

0o0

Harry sat in his window seat and watched the rain falling lightly. It was ironic how the weather seemed to reflect his mood. How was he supposed to prove himself to Draco? He placed his head in hands and dragged his knees to his chest. Why did everything become so difficult? Again, his ponderings were interrupted when Ron entered the dorms.

"How's it going, mate?" he asked uneasily.

"Foul, outright foul," Harry said from behind his hands.

"What happened?" Ron sat across from Harry.

"Draco broke up with me because of that stupid kiss."

"But he knows it wasn't me. Why?" Ron asked cautiously.

"He said that it doesn't matter _who_ I was kissing. The fact that I willingly kissed that person back is the problem." There was a moment of awkward silence.

"Why did you kiss him back? Was it because it was 'me' or was it the kiss…" Ron trailed off, blushing.

"I don't know. It wasn't anything like the kiss that we shared before, like I said. I already admitted to being attracted to you, but this person took control and I couldn't help it. It just felt…. I can't really explain it." Harry finally looked up to meet Ron's eyes, and realized that Ron was staring at him intently.

"I think I need to be honest about something. I don't want to hurt anyone, but if I don't get this out to someone then it is going to tear me up. I have wanted to do exactly what that bloke did for weeks. I love Hermione, and I don't want to hurt her, but there is a part of me that she can't touch. Some part of me wishes that every time we kiss it were you. I thought that being with Hermione would dissolve all of the other urges I had for you, but it did the opposite." Ron never looked away, and neither did Harry. So many unsaid things were communicated just in the eye contact of two best friends, emotions that can't be expressed or falsified by words. "I think Hermione knows that something is wrong. You know observant she is, and she knows I still… love… you," he finished softly.

"Ron, I - I don't know what to say. I understand, but I don't know how much I can help. I love Draco, but I don't want to lose you as my best friend. What you are asking of me isn't just sexual and what about Hermione-"

"Oh, no. Harry, I'm not_ asking_ anything. I just needed you, or anyone, to know. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I understand that you don't and can't feel that same way about me." Suddenly, Harry grabbed Ron's hand lightly and squeezed it.

"I saw the way you looked at her. What you have is real, and I know you love her. Don't mess it up. I gave into physical urges and I lost. Can you imagine what your life would be like without Hermione, as your friend or as your girlfriend? I'm attracted to you Ron, and momentarily, I let that guide me. I'm sorry that it couldn't actually be you, but don't give in." Harry let go of Ron's hand and moved toward his bed.

Ron nodded. He wasn't sure what he expected, but he didn't get it.

0o0

The next morning, Harry walked into the Great Hall. He had dreaded this. People were sure to notice that Draco was no longer with him, and then they would talk. He was extremely surprised to find Draco sitting in his usual seat at the Gryffindor table. Ron was frowning, but based on their conversation last night, that was understandable. Harry cautiously slid into the seat across from Draco, rather then next to him. The blond gave him a timid smile and returned to his breakfast.

At the Slytherin table, three identical groans could be heard. Draco still hadn't dropped Potter.

"This is ridiculous." Pansy said quietly. "We know Draco, and he would never put up with someone who didn't respect him. Why hasn't he dumped Potter?"

"Maybe he actually loves the Gryff." Nott said, disgusted.

"Please, T. Think about what you just said, I'm trying to eat," Blaise said.

"We are going to have to try harder. Meet me in the common room tonight at 10," Pansy said finally.

After breakfast, Harry left the table before Draco. They hadn't said a word to each other, and he couldn't take the tension between them any longer. As he left, he felt Draco's eyes on him. He started up the stairs, but heard someone calling his name. He turned and saw that Draco had followed him.

"Harry, we need to talk."

Harry followed Draco back to the dungeons. He was surprised to see the door appear, but guessed it was because of Draco and not himself. He allowed himself to be led to the couch and sat on the farthest end.

"I found Severus in here drunk last night," Draco said. Harry shrugged. "He never drinks, and it was quite obvious. Dumbledore is behind all of this: our break up, the Slytherins, and probably a lot more stuff we don't even know about. He has convinced himself that it is up to him to mold you into the person who must defeat the Dark Lord."

"How was he responsible for our break up, and what's going on with the Slytherins?"

"Pansy, Nott, and Blaise tricked you. Nott took Polyjuice Potion to turn into Ron."

"What does that have to do with the Headmaster?"

"He gave direct orders to Severus to allow them access to his stores. He more or less told him to ignore them as they stole the ingredients. He knew about their plan and wanted to give them a clear shot."

"Why?" Harry said looking stricken.

"He thinks that if you go through pain and strife, then you will be easier to control and in the end, more willing to do what you need to in order to save us. Severus said that Dumbledore cares about you, loves you even, but you are first and foremost _the _tool to him." Draco looked at Harry with sad eyes. He knew the last thing he needed was more heartache right now, and he wasn't about to make it any better.

"So," Harry paused for a moment, thinking. "Where does that leave us?"

Draco dropped his head. "Exactly where we were yesterday, I'm afraid. Even if we tried to defy him and outthink his plots, he would only keep coming after us. He doesn't want us together, and he wants to use this to keep you motivated. If you love me, but we can't be together, his goal is achieved. It is sick, but I can't see any way out of it. We could try to be together in secret, meet in the room of requirement, but you really need to focus on the task that is fast approaching.

"Severus has a lot more faith in you then he lets on, and I think he is right. He said that if you learned how to control and harness your power, you could save us all and still live to tell the tale." Harry looked astonished.

"I'm sorry that it has to be this way. We can still be friends if you want, and I will be waiting for you after all of this is over, but I don't see any other options." Harry nodded and got up. Draco enveloped him in a gentle hug.

Draco showed Harry to the door. He was surprised that Harry had not fought with him. He expected there to be yelling and cursing, but more disturbingly, Harry had hardly said a word.

As Harry left he uttered one last, "Sorry." He closed the door and leaned his back against it. It felt like his chest was on fire, and he could feel the lump growing steadily in his throat. "I love you," he said quietly.


	17. Mate, We Are So Fucked

**A/N: Numero Dos**

**Chapter Seventeen**

Harry walked back to the tower. As he entered through the portrait, he heard yelling.

"Hermione, don't you think you are over-"

"Ron, don't you dare make this about me! I tried. I wanted to be with you. I thought you loved me. I can't and _won't _compete for your affection any longer. If you want to pine, then pine to your bloody heart's content. I am NOT going to be a part of it." she screamed, then ran up the stairs to her dorm.

Ron slumped onto the couch as she disappeared. He placed his head in his hands, oblivious to everyone else in the room. Harry sat down next to him and put his hand on Ron's back.

"Mate, we are so fucked." Harry said softly. Ron lifted his head to meet Harry's eyes.

"I-" he opened his mouth to say something, but it seemed the words got caught in his throat.

"It's ok, I understand." Harry traced comforting circles on Ron's back. "We'll get them back," he said, mostly to himself.

"She won't come back," Ron said sadly.

"Why not? What did you do that she can't forgive? If she has stuck by you all this time-" Harry cut himself off because of the look in Ron's eye.

"Harry, I did something bad. I wouldn't let her come back to me until I knew I could be what she deserves, and right now, I'm not. She deserves someone who loves her and only her. I can't give her that." Ron hung his head and looked at the floor.

"What did you do?" Harry said cautiously.

"I-" Ron looked Harry in the eye and shook his head. "I said your name." he finished softly.

Harry's eyes widened. He didn't need Ron to spell it out, the implications were quite obvious. They sat in silence for a while and let the recent events wash over them. Suddenly, Ron broke the silence.

"So, where have you been?"

"I was with Draco." Harry said glumly.

"Why is that a bad thing?" Ron asked slowly.

"What do you do when the person you trusted with your life ruins it?" Harry's eyes were aflame and his hands clenched together tightly.

"What do you mean?"

"Draco said that Dumbledore is behind all of this. He allowed the Slytherins to break us up. He has purposely caused me pain because he thinks it will make me a good little hero," Harry said scathingly. "I don't know who to trust. He's got Draco thinking that no matter how hard we try, he will always separate us, which is probably true to a degree." Harry fell back into the couch and pulled his feet under him. Ron was extremely pale.

"I knew that he could be on the manipulative side, but it always had a purpose. What good could come from that?" Ron asked, confused.

"Draco said that if I go through pain and strife, I will be easier for him to control. Basically, I am the ultimate means to an end," he said, disgusted. Ron looked baffled. "What gets me is, if this is how he always felt, what else is his doing? How much of my pain is because of him? What else could have been prevented?" Harry shook his head. "I don't even feel safe in these walls. What do I have left to fight for?"

Then he stopped, thinking suddenly of one of the last things Draco had said. Harry had nearly missed it. _Draco would be waiting for him._ All he needed to do was defeat the nastiest Dark Lord in centuries, and all of his brainwashed minions. Harry scoffed at himself, but he stopped again. Even Snape had faith in him. If he thought Harry capable, then surely there was a chance. Harry sat up straight and glanced at Ron. The red head was staring at him intently.

"You just had an epiphany," Ron stated plainly.

"Yeah, maybe if you weren't staring at me like that you wouldn't have noticed," he teased. Ron blushed, but obviously awaited Harry's explanation.

Harry and Ron sat in the common room for hours after, talking strategy and tactics, just like old times.

0o0

Draco lay on the couch. His heart was still beating heavily. He hoped that Harry understood. If it were up to Draco, Dumbledore would get what was coming to him, but if what Severus said was any sign, it seemed he already had. 'If only he could learn from his own experiences like a good old coot.' Draco thought to himself. Just as he sat up, Severus walked in.

"Hello Severus," Draco said quietly.

"Draco." Severus nodded his head in acknowledgement. "What's wrong?" He sat next to his Godson.

"Harry just left." Draco met his Godfather's eyes. "I couldn't do it, Severus. Even though I want to be with him, what's the point? We both know that Dumbledore will do anything to keep us apart. Why go through all of that? Harry has much bigger things to focus on now. There will be time for us after the war." Draco said confidently. Severus smiled slightly, but it was soon overtaken by a frown.

"What did he do when you told him?"

"He was confused and hurt, as he should be," Severus simply nodded, so Draco continued. "I offered to be his friend, but he hardly said a word the entire time he was here. I don't know if that is good or bad, but I'm worried."

"As you should be. His temper is still quite volatile, but he has good friends, and I'm sure now he will focus on his powers."

Tears still fell from Draco's eyes. "I can't believe I did it. What if we are wrong and he doesn't make it, and I've wasted the time we do have together? I realized tonight, as he sat here, that I love him. It's amazing how someone can work their way into your life in such a short period of time, but it's true." Draco hung his head. "Severus, I have never loved someone before. I feel like I've lived everything I've missed in the last seven years in a month."

Severus nodded. "Just think of everything that is to come. Think of what you need to do to stay alive, Draco. You are an informant now and that is a dangerous life. When this war begins, you will be targeted, for many reasons. Since none of us are foolish enough to trust Albus with your safety, I suggest you take that threat seriously. Now, would you like to take lunch with me down here? I doubt you have any desire to see the school right now."

Severus left again, and Draco fell back into the couch. Now he knew why he never loved anyone before. This constant pain filling every part of him was almost more than he could take. His heart was no longer is his throat, but it still throbbed. He had a headache from the pressure of Harry's absence. He never believed he would need a simple touch to reassure him that things were real. It felt like a mirage, or some incredibly sadistic dream. Draco cuddled to the side of the couch and waited for his lunch.

0o0

In Gryffindor tower, Harry and Ron had just returned from their own lunch. Ron could not help the urges that filled his body. Harry lay on his back on his bed, completely oblivious to the affect he was having on his best friend. Ron wasn't sure what was holding him back from what he wanted. He and Harry were both single, and attracted to each other. Why couldn't he just launch himself into that bed and sate every dream he had ever had about Harry? Of course, then Hermione's voice would fill his head, and he would remember that Harry was hopelessly in love with a certain blond. His resolve softened, and he remained seated in his own bed, pretending to read.

"Ron?" Harry asked suddenly.

"Yeah?"

"Why do you love me? I - I don't mean like 'can you reassure me because I'm so self conscious why', but why can't you stop?" Harry seemed wary of the subject, but still quite curious.

"You were my first friend, the first to stand up for me, the first to make me feel smart or brave or remotely worth knowing. You, not Hermione. No matter how much I love her, she just isn't _you,_ and I have yet to find anyone who makes me feel the way you do," Ron answered breathlessly.

Ron heard Harry's bed shift, and his feet on the stone floor. Suddenly, Harry was lying next to him on his bed.

"You are all those things for me too, but I can't see you that way, not relationship-wise anyway. I wish I could make you understand." Harry sighed. Ron felt Harry's breath on his neck, and his whole body stiffened. He wanted to kiss him so bad, and so little was stopping him.

"Harry?" Ron said softly, pleadingly.

"What?"

"Can - can I kiss you?" he asked sheepishly.

Harry looked as though he were in deep thought. "Why? You know nothing can come of it, and you are really just torturing yourself."

"Call me a masochist, but I need it. Just that one kiss is driving me mad." Ron raked his hands through his hair while Harry gave him a measuring look.

"Just this once, and it stays within this dorm. Understood?" Ron nodded, and Harry sighed again as he sat up.

Harry placed his hand on his best friend's cheek and leaned in. Ron brushed his lips tenderly against Harry's, but deepened the kiss quickly. Harry felt Ron's tongue invade his mouth. He was reminded of the other Ron, and being pushed against the lockers. He felt Ron's hand travel down his chest and he thought for sure he was having déjà vu. Ron's other hand tangled itself in his black hair. The same desire that had flooded Harry's body that day came back tenfold. Harry broke the kiss, knowing it needed to stop, and looked into Ron's eyes. Ron smiled back sadly and pulled away further.

"Thank you." Ron said softly.


	18. I Want You

A/N: Hi all. I know it's been forever, but I'm here now and i hope to finish this story at some point in my life time. It's a kind of therapy for me. I hope you enjoy!**  
**

**Chapter Eighteen**

Harry laid back down on his bed and turned towards the window. He could still hear Ron's heavy breathing. That wasn't what he had been expecting at all. He had felt so little the first time he kissed Ron. Could he have gotten it wrong? A vision of Draco's body above his told him exactly what he wanted. He loved Draco, not Ron. He was lusting after Ron, but pining for Draco. It wouldn't be right to take advantage of his friend in his vulnerable state. There was no way there could ever be a relationship.

"Ron?" He said suddenly.

"Y-yeah?"

"I don't know how to say this. I love him and I miss him, but I want you." He heard Ron sit up in his bed quickly.

"Harry, are you serious?" Harry finally looked over to the astonished face of his best friend.

"I don't want to hurt you though. I need you to know that this can't go any further than fooling around and if that isn't enough for you, then we shouldn't start it at all. I will get Draco back, at some point." Ron stared back at him with an unbelievable smile. Ron got off of his bed and walked to Harry. He knelt down in front of him and kissed his cheek.

"I can't believe I even got to kiss you. I can't believe you haven't stopped talking to me. Our friendship is important to me and I don't want to lose it, but I can't refuse an open invitation. As long as you are sure, I'll take what I can get." Harry nodded his head and Ron leaned in and kissed him.

0o0

In the dungeons, Draco sat on his couch. He had just finished having lunch with Severus.

"Draco, you really shouldn't lock yourself up in here. I know it's hard, but you should get out." Draco looked at Severus and saw the concern in his eyes. He nodded his head numbly.

"Ok." Silently, he got off the couch and left. Severus shook his head at his godson's state.

As Draco left, he thought he might go visit Harry. They were still friends and a momentary release from the constant pain would be a bonus. He walked silently to the Gryffindor common room. Everyone still thought he and Harry were together and that is how he wanted it. He didn't want to be completely shunned and his relationship with Harry was the only thing keeping him in many people's good graces. The fat lady let him through after only a moment of persuasion.

As he walked the stairs he caught many stares from the Gryffindors. He glared back and mustered all of his energy to grace them with a smirk. The door to the dorm was closed, which was odd. He turned the door knob, but it was locked. He knocked twice and waited. Moments later a very disheveled Ron answered the door. His pants were only half zipped and his shirt was on backwards. Draco pushed the door open further and saw Harry putting his shirt on. Suddenly, the pain that he had been trying to diminish exploded in his chest. Again, his heart was in his throat and his brain was foggy.

"Draco!" he heard Harry say, but he was half way down the stair case again. He stormed out of the portrait hole and down two flights of stairs before he felt Harry catch up to him.

"Draco! Please, stop." Harry pleaded. It sounded like he might be crying, but Draco didn't care. "Draco!" he felt a hand on his shoulder and he stopped suddenly.

"What the fuck do you want Potter? Is this what you wanted? I risked everything for you! I was disowned for you! I lost whatever version of friends I had! I gave up Slytherin for you! I went back on everything I believe in to protect you and this… this is what I get?" Draco felt the unwanted tears fall down his cheeks and saw tears streaming down Harry's face. He stopped himself from wiping them away.

"I- I" Harry couldn't even find the words to describe the guilt. How had that happened? He had never wanted Ron before. What had possessed him to let that happen?

"Save it Potter. I don't give a fuck. Weasel can have you." Draco turned and ran down the remaining stair cases.

Harry collapsed on the stairs and cried. He felt a hand on his shoulders and, through his tears, saw red hair. Someone pulled him off the floor and dragged him back to his dorm.

0o0

Severus was still seated on the couch when Draco tore into the room and through his door. Severus looked around as though he may have imagined it, but got up and knocked on Draco's door.

"Draco? Are you alright?" He wasn't much for comforting, but he could try.

"No, I'm not bloody alright." Severus heard through the door.

"What happened? You weren't gone but fifteen minutes." he said astonished. There was silence in the room, except for sniffs and sobs and gasps for breath. Severus felt his chest constrict. He hated to know that his godson was in pain. "Was it Potter?"

"Just go away, please." Draco pleaded. His tone was so strangled. Severus couldn't just leave him in that state.

"What did he do? It might help to talk about it." The sobs stopped and he heard the bed creak. The door opened and the sight that met Severus' eyes nearly made his heart break. The normally perfect blond hair was sticking out and those beautiful grey eyes were red and puffy. His cheeks were drenched and all of the spirit he had gained the last month was gone.

"Oh, Draco. He is not worth all of this." Draco nearly ran into his embrace.

"I wish he weren't." he heard Draco say between gasps for breath. Severus didn't really know how to react.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He felt Draco nod and sat down on the couch. Draco sat next to him and wiped his cheeks.

"I went to go see Harry and his dorm was locked, so I knocked. Weasel answered the door and his- his shirt was on incorrectly and his trousers were half way on. I-I pushed the door open just out of curiosity. I didn't-" he stopped for a moment to control his tears.

"I didn't expect to see Harry there and he was half dressed. It doesn't take a genius to figure-" he stopped again and put his head in hands. Severus circled his godson's back, hoping it would comfort him a little.

0o0

In Gryffindor tower, Harry sat on his bed in a similar state, with Ron comforting him.

"How could I be stupid?" Ron just held him. "I can't believe I let that happen." Harry looked up and met Ron's eyes. Ron was momentarily speechless. There was so much pain and self loathing, but he was beautiful.

"It's ok, Harry. If you want, I'll talk to him; if he lets me within ten feet of him, anyway."

"Ron, I couldn't ask you to do that. I know how much this must hurt you." Again, they met eyes, but it was Harry's turn to gasp. There was so much love reflecting in his best friend's eyes. Ron took his chin and forced them to keep eye contact.

"Harry, I will take responsibility for my actions. I know that this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't taken advantage of you. I resigned myself to the fact that I couldn't have you a long time ago. This-, I won't ever forget this and I'll help you get Black back. I want you to be happy, Harry. I know that I can't ever give you what you want." Ron kissed him on the cheek and let go of his chin.

"Thanks Ron, but I took advantage of you too."

"I wasn't stopping you and I should have. I should have thought about how much pain this would bring you." Ron said sadly and walked over to his own bed.

A/N: Ok. The first thing my beta said after she finished reading this chapter was: "WHAT DID YOU DO?" That is exact text. I hated writing this chapter. That is one of the reasons it took so long to get out. I know it sounds weird. Why would I write it if I didn't want to? Life is weird that way. Things have to happen to us in order to see everything clearly. I hope you won't give up on me because I'm dragging out a reunion and the war. It's all going to be covered eventually, but on my time. Anyway, thanks to everyone who has reviewed. Review please... aLtO


	19. Sacrifices

**A/N: Look at me on a role. I honestly don't know when or where this story will end. I used to know about a year ago, but i have so much more to share now. Thanks for sticking with me! **

**Chapter Nineteen**

Ron caught sight of blond hair ahead of him. Quickening his pace, Ron finally caught up with Draco.

"Black, wait!" he nearly screamed. Draco turned and their eyes met. Ron nearly ran.

"Weasel, you've got nerve, now get the fuck away from me." Draco turned and started walking again.

"No, wait, please. Harry- we need to talk about Harry." Ron grabbed his arm, but quickly let go.

"Potter is no longer my concern."

"Bull shit. Look, technically, Harry doesn't owe you an explanation for anything. _You_ broke up with him and what we did afterwards is none of your damn business. Don't act like you alone lay claim to him. Harry and I are not and never will be in any kind of relationship, but he was there for me when I needed him and vice versa. You hurt him a lot and there is still a lot about this he doesn't understand. I was just there because you weren't." Ron ended coldly.

"He knew I was waiting for him. He knows why we can't be together, but I didn't expect him to shack up with the only person I feel threa-" Draco caught himself, but the damage had been done. Ron's smile broadened and he grew more confident in the conversation.

"You were always threatened by me weren't you? Thought I was going to steal your Harry away?" Ron shook his head, but looked up to meet eyes with Draco again.

"I don't like you, but you give Harry something I never could. I don't know what it is, but I've never seen him this upset before. He thinks he has lost you forever. He still doesn't understand what's going on. Dumbledore has Harry questioning everything. I think that is why we-. Well, he needed something to remind him that it was all real. He needed to know his life was still _his_ and Dumbledore didn't have control over everything" He halted again and dared Draco to speak.

"You are far more intuitive then I ever gave you credit for Weasel, but that doesn't change anything between Harry and I. Don't think for a second that I have given up completely. You have a point. I didn't have any claim to him, but it doesn't make it hurt any less." Draco covered his mouth with his hands as though something putrid had just escaped from it.

"It's o.k to have feelings. We know you aren't as cold as you always wanted us to believe. I know Harry and he requires a certain amount of emotional strength in his friends. That says quite a bit about you because he chose you for a lot more. You can be angry with him, but remember what he has just gone through. I know everything you said in the corridor is true, but damn it, at least listen to him." Draco silently nodded his head and walked away.

0o0

At breakfast the following Monday, Harry eyed the staff table wearily. He had avoided the headmaster's attempts to converse with him. He couldn't face that right now; not with Draco still giving him the cold shoulder. At least Ron stayed by his side and Hermione was slowly starting to talk to them again. Harry looked across the table and caught gray eyes. He nodded his head, but Draco quickly lowered his and focused on his breakfast. Ron had dutifully given Harry every detail of his conversation with Draco. Harry had had high hopes after that, but they were quickly dashed by Draco's cold gaze.

0o0

Draco left Potions miserable. Severus was being even more snarky than usual and he didn't have the patience for it. He could feel a sharp gaze from behind him and knew that Harry had just left the classroom.

"Draco, wait." He heard Harry say almost timidly. Against his better judgment, he turned around.

"Yes, Potter." Draco said as coldly as he could.

Harry stepped closer and finally raised his eyes. Draco could see so much of what he needed to know in that look, but desperately wanted to fight it. Harry needed to understand. He needed to know just how much his actions had hurt him, just when he had opened his mind to the idea of love.

"Draco, can we talk, um, privately?" He looked around at all of the eager stares their classmates were giving them.

Draco nodded slightly and started walking down the corridor, expecting Harry to follow. He entered an unused classroom and waited for Harry to close the door. Their eyes met again and Draco could hardly hold the sneer he had placed on his face. He faltered slightly and Harry took that moment of weakness. He lunged forward and kissed Draco. It took all of his will power to push Harry off, but they needed to talk.

"Harry, please don't." he said quietly.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to make sure that I hadn't imagined it, that it was still there." he said not trying to cover the hurt in his tone.

"What do you want, Harry?"

"I'm not going to apologize. Everything you said in the hall, if that is all true, then why can't you try? If you have made all those sacrifices for me, why give up now?" Harry sat on a student desk across from Draco.

"I didn't give up. You- you knew. You knew that I was waiting." Draco tried to will the hoarse in his voice to disappear.

"Draco, that's fine. Momentarily, that thought was the only thing keeping me from a serious nervous breakdown, but you weren't there. You weren't there when you _knew_ I needed you most. You let me walk out that door." Harry's voice cracked and he tried to will the pain away.

"All of a sudden, I was questioning everything and had nothing to solidify my thoughts at all. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I needed it to happen and so did Ron. I know that is a bad excuse, but it's the closest to the truth I can get." Harry hung his head and thought about leaving.

Draco had not shown any sign of understanding or acknowledgment. He just stared at the floor. A flash of that weakness in his eyes only moments ago made him stay put. Boldly, he inched towards Draco and placed one hand on his shoulder and lifted his chin with the other hand. Now he could see the tears nearly falling from Draco's eyes and the hurt and confusion that was so obviously etched there. Slowly, he lowered his head and brushed his lips ever so lightly over Draco's. After a moment, he deepened it and put more force behind his actions. Draco responded eventually and Harry felt hands clamp onto his waist. But as soon as they had appeared, they were gone and those beautiful lips left his.

"I can't." Draco said softly. Harry took Draco's face in his hands and locked his eyes with grey.

"Don't think Draco. Stop thinking and feel for a minute." Harry said this as his hand traveled up Draco's chest. How he had missed that feeling. Draco shivered slightly from the touch and leaned into it. Harry leaned down and licked his ex boyfriend's ear.

"Remember." he said before pulling away. Draco didn't move. After a few moments, Harry became frustrated with the blond's stubbornness and got up to leave.

For the second time, Draco watched Harry walk away from him, knowing it wasn't right. There was just far too much going on right now. Between Severus' thoughts and the threat of the war, and Harry, his head was aching. The only reassuring thought he could find was that it wasn't over. He smiled as he remembered how determined Harry had looked the first time he stood up for their relationship. Suddenly, he got an idea. It might be the only way for Harry to truly understand what he felt. Draco left the classroom and darted down to the dungeons, conveniently forgetting his Ancient Runes class started five minutes ago.


	20. I Love You

**Chapter Twenty**

Harry walked down the corridor, tears falling down his cheeks. They had both fucked up and admitted it. Why couldn't they move on, together? He wiped the tears and entered the common room. He had taken the chance and been bolder than he could ever remember. After plopping down on his bed, Harry felt completely overwhelmed. 'Maybe what relieved it last time would help now,' he thought. He walked to his trunk and pulled out his black book. After rereading the last passage, he summoned his quill. Silently, he pondered what it was he needed to get out. What was the one thing breaking him down? After ten minutes of furious scribbling, his eyes became focused again and he read through what was written on the page.

_Even though I'm the sacrifice, _

_You won't try for me, not now._

_Though I'd die to know you love me._

_I'm all alone._

_Isn't someone missing me?_

_And If I bleed, I'll bleed,_

_knowing you don't care._

_And If I sleep, just to dream of you._

_I'll wake without you there._

_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?_

Harry was pleased with it and he felt a lot better, but that didn't make Draco come back any faster. He put the journal on the floor and curled up into a ball on his bed.

0o0

Draco raced through hallways and jumped multiple stairs at a time. He was on the fourth floor and trying to make it to Potions. It was the last class of the day and it would be the only one he attended. Severus would hang him other wise. He also had a very important piece of parchment in his bag; something that could make this all right again. After the fifth draft in his room, Draco decided that the room of requirement was better suited for his muse.

Finally, he reached the door and walked in, two minutes late. Severus glared at him, but said nothing. Draco took his normal seat, but found Harry was not sitting next to him. He did not try to hide the frown on his face as he searched the room, but found no green eyes or black hair.

As soon as Potions let out, Draco bolted for the Gryffindor common room. After fighting with the fat lady for a good five minutes, he finally gained entry. He was now red faced and seething.

'That bloody portrait obviously didn't know who she was dealing with.' he thought as he climbed the stairs two by two.

For all the rushing he did, as he entered Harry's dorm, he stopped. Harry was curled in a ball on his bed. He looked so defeated, so innocent and broken. There were fresh tear marks on his cheeks and his lips were bright red. Draco felt his breath momentarily leave his body. Cautiously, he walked to Harry's bedside and found he was asleep. Draco knelt down to whisper to Harry, but hit his knee on a book. He recognized it immediately. It was already opened to a certain page and Draco's curiosity got the best of him. As he read the page, his heart nearly stopped.

"If I bleed." he said allowed. Harry stirred, but did not wake. He closed his eyes and willed his tears away. Suddenly, Harry was screaming and writhing in his bed. Draco shot off the floor and onto the bed. Harry's screaming died down as Draco stroked his cheek.

"Please, not Draco." he said softly, shaking his head. Draco stilled his head and laid it on his shoulder.

"I-It's ok. I'm fine. It was just a nightmare." He said trying to sound soothing. "Harry, you have to wake up. We need to talk." Harry slowly opened his eyes and moved quickly away from Draco.

"What are you doing here?" he asked softly.

"I needed to talk to you." Draco shifted uncomfortable. He reached into his bag and took out a piece of paper. Harry saw his journal sitting on the side of the bed and paled. It was closed.

"Did- did you read it?" he asked. It wasn't an accusation, just curiosity. Draco locked eyes with Harry and nodded. Harry hid his head underneath his pillow and groaned.

"Before I even say anything, you need to read this. You know I feel most comfortable expressing myself in poetry, so I needed you to understand. You have to know how much you hurt me and, well, just read it." Draco finished hastily. A tentative hand reached for the paper. He opened it slowly and read.

_His eyes upon your eyes,_

_His hand upon your hand,_

_His lips caress your skin._

_It's more than I can stand._

_Why does my heart cry?_

_Feelings I can't fight._

_You're free to leave me, _

_But just don't deceive me_

_And please, believe me when I say,_

"_I love you."_

Harry's head shot up. Draco was, once again, captivated by the emotion in those green eyes. His eyes were pleading; begging for this to not be some cruel joke.

"Harry, when you left that day, I realized something. I'm in love with you. I don't know how you did it, but you accomplished something no one else in my life ever has, in one month. I can't explain what it was that did me in, but it's you Harry. It will always be you. I love you." It felt weird to say aloud right in front of Harry, but he knew it needed be done.

Harry shook his head as tears streamed down his cheeks. "The thought of Weasel touching you, drove me crazy. The fact that we had been apart for one day didn't help my confidence. I saw you trying to pull your shirt on and I couldn't believe that I'd been so stupid. It felt like I had been used. Part of me knew that wasn't true, but it wasn't until Weasel talked to me that I saw it all from your side as well. I have this tendency to be selfish and stubborn." he waved his hand nonchalantly and continued.

"I didn't think about Dumbledore at all after I caught you with Weasel. I didn't realize how much you needed me, even as a friend, after his plot and intentions were revealed. I just didn't think _at all._" Suddenly, he felt fingers on his lips. Draco looked up. Harry had stopped crying and was now looking at him in disbelief.

"I'm so sorry." Harry buried his head in the crook of Draco's neck and inhaled. He had missed the most; the feel of Draco's skin and his scent. Draco closed his eyes and reveled in the feeling of Harry's breath on his neck. Both boys were fairly content in this position, but there was still a lot to be said. Harry was the first to pull away.

"So, what about Dumbledore? Does this change your decision?" Harry asked softly. Draco looked thoughtful for a moment.

"That old coot needs to be taught a lesson about meddling in things that are not his to meddle in. I think if we stay strong through whatever it is he may throw at us, we can make it through anything." He felt Harry nod his head.

"So?" Harry asked. Draco flashed him a mischievous smile.

"Harry, will you be my boyfriend?" he asked confidently.

"As long as you know what you are-" Draco cut Harry off as their lips met. Nothing else needed to be said in that moment.


	21. Hope

**Chapter Twenty-One**

Dumbledore sat in his office, staring at the many portraits that lined the walls. He was deep in thought and didn't notice the faint knock at his door. It wasn't until the third, loud knock that his attention was drawn out of his thoughts.

"Enter," he said loudly. He took a deep breath as Harry and Draco entered his office, hand in hand. His heart stopped as he realized his plans were now useless.

"Headmaster." They both said, bowing their heads slightly.

"May we have a moment?" Draco asked. Harry was sure he was cutting off the blood supply to Draco's fingers, but keeping his composure was a bit more difficult then he had foreseen. He exhaled and took a seat.

"What can I do for you boys?" Albus asked politely.

"We were wondering if you had any other outrageous plots to destroy our lives or if you were going to finally leave that to the Dark Lord." Draco said nonchalantly. Albus visibly paled and lowered his head, but raised it again quickly.

"What do you mean? I only want what is best for everyone involved. You may not understand now, but I'm doing what I feel is right. That is what matters." Dumbledore had not met Harry's eyes yet. He didn't know if he could.

"What you think-" Draco was interrupted by Harry, who stood and slammed his palms on the desk.

"Does tarring me away from everyone I love _feel_ right to you?" he yelled. "Is killing my best friend in your plans as well? They say Voldemort is misdirected, but he doesn't hold a candle to you. You've lost the ability to feel since that day, haven't you? Do you even remember what it feels like to love someone? Do you know what it's like to need someone and know that someone you trust is to blame for his absence? I do not exist to lighten your conscience. I gave you my mind blindly and you- you filled it with doubts and misconceptions. You gave me half truths and subtle lies, just so you can feel like you are doing the right thing. Well, you know what? I'll kill that bastard, but know that I'm doing it for everyone that _you_ took away. I'll be your savior, but know that I'm going to do it on my terms! Stay the fuck out of my way." Harry stormed out of the room, Draco not too far behind.

They walked down several corridors before Harry stopped abruptly and slid down a wall. Draco was at his side before he hit the floor. There were tears in his eyes, but there was a smile on his face.

"Damn, that felt good." he said softly. Draco scoffed.

"I can't believe you did that. The bloody Gryffindor Golden Boy just cursed out the headmaster." it took a second to sink in. "That was brilliant, but we still didn't prove anything and we don't know that he isn't going to try that much harder to separate us again." His tone was sad and his gaze fell to the floor.

"It's ok. What doesn't kill us, right?" Harry said hopefully.

"So I've heard. Do-do you want to come back to my room? We still have a lot to talk about." Draco said a little more brightly.

"Yeah, can we have dinner there?" Draco nodded and both boys stood.

0o0

As they entered the rooms, they heard voices. Trying to be quiet, they snuck through the narrow entrance hallway and stood near the door to Severus' office. Faintly, Draco recognized the first as Severus and the second as the headmaster.

"Albus, please, calm do-"

"I will not be calm._You_ are the only one who could have told him about Stephen and I demand to know what you were thinking? What did you tell him and what the bloody hell were you trying to accomplish?" There was a pause. Severus may have been in shock due to the headmaster's language or he could have been phrasing his reply.

"It was my turn. I have watched you do this your way for 16 years and you were about to lose everything. I did what I felt was _right_. I told Draco what happened and explained your reasoning. Apparently, he did the opposite of my intentions."

"Severus, do not lie to me. How could you do this?" Albus pleaded.

"Because you don't know what the hell you are doing! You are mentally and emotionally abusing the only hope our world has and you think it's what is best! I know pain and suffering, just as you do. I know what sense of duty and responsibility is, just as you do. I'm telling you that Harry would have never responded to _your _way. Draco is your only hope now. The one you want farthest from Harry is the only way you can get his trust back in any capacity. Good luck." Severus concluded the conversation and stood.

Harry and Draco scrambled away from the door and tried to run to Draco's room, but only made it halfway before the door to Snape's office opened.

"Potter?" Harry turned and smiled lightly.

"I swear if my godson did not value your life so, you would find yourself without. Understood?" Harry nodded. "Your little discussion with the headmaster, while invigorating, I'm sure, cost me a lot. I worked for years to earn that fools trust and you thwarted me in one go."

"I'm sorry, sir. I lost my temper." Harry lowered his head in apology.

"Imagine that." Severus said sardonically.

"Severus it really is my fault. I let Harry get carried away. I shouldn't have told him in the first place, but I thought he had the right to know."

"That he did. You did just as I had intended." Snape's eyes gleamed with pride and mischief.

"Albus need not know that though." he let out a long breath and stared at Harry. The boy had yet to raise his head again. It was becoming quite unnerving.

"Harry, I'm sorry." All eyes flew to Snape.

Draco could not believe his ears. Not only had his impossible godfather addressed Harry as, well, Harry, but he apologized for god knows what.

"I should have done this a long time ago, but just as Albus trusted me, I trusted him. I thought his plans would surface and pan out eventually. After spending more time with you and getting to know you through Draco, I found that the possibility was slim. You were already so lost and angry. You already knew some of what he put you through. What I- I'm trying to say is, this is partially my fault as well. I let my preconceived notions and assumptions overtake my better judgment."

Harry's jaw could have hit the floor. He was genuinely shocked and impressed.

"Th-thank you. You really shouldn't feel so guilty. I didn't make this any easier for you." he couldn't believe the words coming out of his own mouth. Were they having a civilized conversation and behaving like adults? It felt weird. After a long, uncomfortable silence, Draco looked unbelievingly between the two for the hundredth time and shook his head.

"Harry, let's go. We still have a few things to deal with. Severus," Draco said awkwardly. "This is just too

weird."

Harry entered Draco's room and was overwhelmed by the comfort it brought him. He sat on the familiar bed. Draco sat next to him and laced his fingers with Harry's.

"I'm sorry." Harry said suddenly. "I never meant to hurt you. I don't love Ron. I don't want to be with anyone but you." Harry rested his head on Draco's shoulder.

"I know love." he stood and walked to the other side of the room.

"Whether we like it or not, this war is going on. We are both deeply involved and that puts us both in danger. I wanted to protect you. I didn't want Dumbledore to hurt you anymore than he already has. I know now, that I may have caused more damage than he ever could. I know we weren't apart very long, but it felt so wrong. When Severus feels sorry for you, you know your life is shite."

Harry came and stood behind him.

"Well, I'm here now. So, let's make the most of the time we have before our lives get in the way again." Harry slid his hand down Draco's stomach and turned him around. Draco was the first to lean in, and their lips met harshly. Everything they hadn't been able to say aloud was conveyed in that kiss. Each second that passed alluded to another unspoken confession of love, frustration, or devotion.

Harry pulled away and started to pull Draco towards his bed.

"Wait," Draco said sadly. "Before we get too caught up, what did you with Weasley? I won't be mad. I just need to know." Harry lowered his head, but met Draco's eyes shortly after.

"H-he went down on me, but we didn't fini-" Draco held his hand up and tried to hide the hurt he was feeling. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't put up his stoic mask and lie. He walked to the bed and sat on it. For a moment, Harry cursed himself. He sat next to Draco and tried to find a way to console him, but couldn't think of anything. So, he pushed Draco back on the bed and kissed him softly.

"Never doubt that you are what I want, love." Draco looked Harry in the eye and nodded. The proof that Harry's words had been accepted was found in Draco's hand feeling its way up Harry's leg and nestling softly in the crease of his jeans. He rubbed his hand against the bulge and unbuttoned the pants swiftly. Harry made no protests and Draco continued his ministrations.

"I love you." Draco said softly before pulling the zipper down. Harry's breath caught and it had nothing to do with the hand that had just entered the fold in his boxers. This new sensation of warmth that flooded his body and made his toes tingle almost made him forget about everything that he had gone through to get to that point. To hear Draco voice his feelings so bluntly, made Harry's heart race. He was brought back to earth by a hand unbuttoning his shirt.

"I love you too," he finally gasped.

0o0

Lucius Malfoy sat behind his desk and stared at the informant before him. His only son, his former heir, had traded sides completely. Draco was a selfish being and the thought of him actually sacrificing some of his safety for someone else was a very new concept.

"Do you know how much information he has given?"

"No sir, I only know that he is no longer neutral and, given the recent arrests, he is obviously the leak we have been searching for. Why didn't you just kill him? You knew when you disowned him he could be a threat to our cause." Blaise Zabini said angrily.

"You know Draco is not one to concede and go against his beliefs. Not to mention, put himself in obvious, unnecessary danger. How was I to know he would fall for that… that _Potter_. I may not be the best father, but killing my son isn't something I am willing to do. I would rather out him under the Imperious before I take such drastic measures." Blaise nodded in agreement. "You may go now. I greatly appreciate this information."

0o0

Hermione found Ron laying on one of the couches in the common room. He was still and could have been sleeping, but she sat next to him. The last few days had been hard on her. It tore her up to see the person she loved hurt so much. Now, Ron looked so peaceful. Breaking up with him had been hard, but everyone has their limit and he had certainly reached hers. She wanted to lie down next to him and let him know everything would work out, but her dignity was far too bruised for that. She moved to get up, but Ron grabbed her arm. Her eyes darted towards him and he was smiling at her.

"I'm done now," he said quietly. "I'm done yearning for something I can't have and I'm done hurting someone I love just as much. I've got my answer and so does he, so can we try this again?" he pleaded.

"Ron, you can't just make the last two weeks go away. I'm glad that you decided to move on, but I still can't trust you and I'm not going to put myself in that position again; not until you prove to me that I have nothing to fear." Ron's smile had returned and he squeezed her hand.

"So, there is hope for me?" he said softly. "I haven't lost you completely?" Hermione shook her head.

"Not yet, but its still going to take some time."

"I'll wait and I'll do everything I can to win back your trust. I'm not willing to let you go." He leaned forward and kissed her softly. She kissed back for a second, but moved away.

"You won't woo me so easily Ronald Weasley." She got up and walked back to her bag she had set there before to do her homework.

"Will you study with me tomorrow?" She heard Ron say. She thought for a moment.

"3:30, you better not be late."

0o0

Draco looked down at Harry. His bare chest was glistening with sweat and he could just see the beginning of the trail of hair on his stomach. He rolled his finger over the hair and traced the line the sheet made over his boyfriend's stomach. He lowered his head and flicked his tongue over Harry's earlobe. He wanted to wake Harry in the best way possible. He wanted Harry to know and feel how much he was loved. He traced Harry's cheekbones and jaw with his tongue before ghosting it across his swollen lips. Suddenly, his tongue was engulfed in warmth and Harry was sucking slowly. He let out a deep moan and slid his hand up and down Harry's right thigh. Finally, Harry let go. He stretched properly and held Draco to him.

"I could get used to waking up like this." he squeezed Draco lightly.

"Me too."

"Draco, if we- when we get through this, I want to be with you. I want to wake up like this and, before everything else comes crashing down on me, I want you to know that there will be many more times like this. You are what I'm fighting for now."


End file.
